A drummer's rhythm -------------------------------------------
Amazing vibes from brutal fruit
Touches every sense but love
And the music, it's so, everything
And lights, so gorgeous, up above
Something deep inside her quakes
And his hair sticks to his forehead
And amps seem to grow while the garage door shakes
His bass drum would take her mind away but it's already gone
She pushes a hand through her hair
And the sound surges over her scalp
And there’s a great roar in the air
As the music reaches its climax
She has memories of how the band snuck away
And while he, gently pulled her closer
And they balanced on the drum stool that Sunday
With lips and smells and fingernails
It was awesomely warm in that garage
His Vans thumping the foot pedal
And the bass drum gave them an intoxicating mirage
And it perfected an already idyllic rhythm
Well, well, welcome to the real world of descriptive poetry. This is very well done, a journey into an afternoon of instantaneous lust, and no better metaphor for rhythm and pulse than the drum.
Nothing to critique, dear, I thought it was excellent!
Everything about the poem sounds like a drum. The rhythm is sharp and striking-or I just imagined it but...eh. hehe. I love the mention of every sense, because none could be left out in such a time. The poem's also very mellow in a way which creates contrast to the actual content-and now I be rambling. Awesome and unique. Keep up the writing-as if someone's comment could stop a poet.-hehe.
welll a goond one .. it rememberd me a writing i had months a go.. but well like one person said the title is what catched me .. welll thanks for sharing and keep on writing very good stuff... and i guess the meaning over this is fantastic.. bye and take care! Victor!
This is fantastic This write is really well written and you really gave the drum human Life I enjoyed everything about this write An Excellent Job God Bless Ron
The title is what directed me to this poem, being that I myself am a drummer. I liked this poem a lot. I really liked how it was written. Just the entire concept of this. Her watching the fellow play his drums. I really liked how it described her and how the music combined with the fellow made her feel. How you described the garage and his Vans hitting the pedal. I think that my favorite part of this poem was when she was remembering 'how the band snuck away And while he, gently pulled her closer And they balanced on the drum stool that Sunday'. This was just wonderful. I also liked the part where oyu said that the music touched everything but love. It made me think that you ment lust, rather then love. And that is wonderful. There are very few lust poems on this site...or at least I have neglected to find where they have all hidden. But I don't know, I just really liked the concept of this lady being in lust with the drummer from a local band. Local musi9c is wonderful. There is, I find, that one band, that you make it a point to go to all of there shows and to try and befriend the members and you buy their tee-shirt and tell all of your friends about them...the band that makes you fele like they are playing only for you...it seems like this is the sort of relationship this lady has with the band she is watching. It exctes me that this poem is about lust and local music. I just love that concept. I think that the last two lines of this poem really gave it a feel that the poem was ending but not the relationship between the lady and the drummer. Like it sort of had a sense of realness to it, a reality. This poem reminded me also of '60's groupies. The entire '60's rock and music scene. Your picture [Which by the way is wonderful.] sort of helped with this image. But I liked this poem a lot. Very very good job. ...Jessie
You really appeal to the sense in this piece, explaining somewhat of a "punk rock love" situation of an aftershow makeout session, and the feeling she had throughout the show as well. And I can also see the connection of the rhythm of the poem to the rhythm of a drum.
Submission Name: A drummer's rhythm
