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    dots Submission Name: A drummer's rhythmdots

    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1031
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 964

       CONTENT ADVISORY: Mature readers only, huh? There's no fluffy bunnies here.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA drummer's rhythmdots

    Amazing vibes from brutal fruit
    Touches every sense but love
    And the music, it's so, everything
    And lights, so gorgeous, up above

    Something deep inside her quakes
    And his hair sticks to his forehead
    And amps seem to grow while the garage door shakes
    His bass drum would take her mind away but it's already gone

    She pushes a hand through her hair
    And the sound surges over her scalp
    And there’s a great roar in the air
    As the music reaches its climax

    She has memories of how the band snuck away
    And while he, gently pulled her closer
    And they balanced on the drum stool that Sunday
    With lips and smells and fingernails

    It was awesomely warm in that garage
    His Vans thumping the foot pedal
    And the bass drum gave them an intoxicating mirage
    And it perfected an already idyllic rhythm

    Submitted on 2006-02-26 17:20:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, well, welcome to the real world of descriptive poetry. This is very well done, a journey into an afternoon of instantaneous lust, and no better metaphor for rhythm and pulse than the drum.

    Nothing to critique, dear, I thought it was excellent!

    well done

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Everything about the poem sounds like a drum. The rhythm is sharp and striking-or I just imagined it but...eh. hehe. I love the mention of every sense, because none could be left out in such a time. The poem's also very mellow in a way which creates contrast to the actual content-and now I be rambling. Awesome and unique. Keep up the writing-as if someone's comment could stop a poet.-hehe.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      welll a goond one .. it rememberd me a writing i had months a go.. but well like one person said the title is what catched me .. welll thanks for sharing and keep on writing very good stuff...
    and i guess the meaning over this is fantastic..
    and take care!
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This is fantastic
    This write is really well written and you really gave the drum human Life
    I enjoyed everything about this write
    An Excellent Job
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The title is what directed me to this poem, being that I myself am a drummer.
    I liked this poem a lot. I really liked how it was written. Just the entire concept of this. Her watching the fellow play his drums.
    I really liked how it described her and how the music combined with the fellow made her feel. How you described the garage and his Vans hitting the pedal.
    I think that my favorite part of this poem was when she was remembering 'how the band snuck away
    And while he, gently pulled her closer
    And they balanced on the drum stool that Sunday'. This was just wonderful.
    I also liked the part where oyu said that the music touched everything but love. It made me think that you ment lust, rather then love. And that is wonderful. There are very few lust poems on this site...or at least I have neglected to find where they have all hidden. But I don't know, I just really liked the concept of this lady being in lust with the drummer from a local band.
    Local musi9c is wonderful. There is, I find, that one band, that you make it a point to go to all of there shows and to try and befriend the members and you buy their tee-shirt and tell all of your friends about them...the band that makes you fele like they are playing only for you...it seems like this is the sort of relationship this lady has with the band she is watching.
    It exctes me that this poem is about lust and local music. I just love that concept.
    I think that the last two lines of this poem really gave it a feel that the poem was ending but not the relationship between the lady and the drummer. Like it sort of had a sense of realness to it, a reality.
    This poem reminded me also of '60's groupies. The entire '60's rock and music scene. Your picture [Which by the way is wonderful.] sort of helped with this image.
    But I liked this poem a lot. Very very good job.
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      You really appeal to the sense in this piece, explaining somewhat of a "punk rock love" situation of an aftershow makeout session, and the feeling she had throughout the show as well. And I can also see the connection of the rhythm of the poem to the rhythm of a drum.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]

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