I come to you
spilling my guts
with the utmost caution
Control when relinquished
runs amok like ants
from an anthill
Crushed by a careless foot
not to be regained without
Religious attention to detail.
Every session is a chess match
Strategy carefully considered
by two minds juxtaposed
Both fighting for the same sanity
One carefully probing for chinks
The other stoic in guise
Carefully examining every sound
Awaiting frontal attack.
Neither successfully touching
the heart matter
the blood source
the brain connection
Creating the life reflection.
For now there is no victor
No resolutions
Only small in-trails
Of the past.
I've never done therapy but I've seen it simulated in movies and stories.
It also reminds me of the friendships of people who visit each other and talk about their lives!
The metre is really skilful. I tried to find lines that were not true to this verseform, but all I found was more really satisfying feeling for the rhythms of reading! This is something I particularly like about reading poetry; so I would like it a lot whether I could understand it or not!
The second and second-last lines caught my attention. They show how much work has gone into the poem's structure.
I think the system of capital letters is unnecessary, unless I'm missing something important ....
I like how this is a slow read.... not all jumbled together making each line stands alone for consideration. It also reminds me what it is like trying to explain something ... with out giving to much away in a conversation ... with a friend .. or shrink. Very clean and yet beautifuly descriptive.
Nicely done, Jan, the feel of this poem is perfect for the subject matter. Easy to read, without too many hidden secrets, although telling a paradoxical tale of the fight: "for the same sanity" was a priceless line.
For a change, I found the no punctuation perfect for this, it simply fits.
My only thoughts were the ants and anthill, maybe 'hordes from an anthill' to save the ant repetition, and the awkward "in-trails" could possibly get a substitute, but these are teensy picks in a very good poem indeed.
i loved the first three lines too, especially the spilling guts line. the atmosphere was really sinister, hard to pin it down to anything in particular, but i'd say that the overall serious tone of the piece made it so.
i didn't really understand this line: "Creating the life reflection." what do you mean by this? like the therapist can only get a reflection of the patients mind and life?
this reminded me of silence of the lambs somehow. hannibal struggling to force his way through into clarice's mind who tries to keep her past to herself.
understandable that writing about telling others your secrets might induce a juddering, clumsy and uncomfortable sensation behind the readers' eyes. it's hard to read a piece dispassionately even the second or third time 'round, when it is dealing with bared souls. a refreshing mistrust of the abilities of the chin stroking hush puppy fan to offer help in the longer term and the suggestion that they get as much out of the exchange as the one on the couch is a valid one... i like the first 3 lines: spilling guts with caution - yes i can see that and it sets the scene well for what is a clearly ariculated pas de deux between the interrogator and the mute. the father and the confessor... in-trails: entrails this play on words sums this up i think and mirrors neatly the guts that were spilled earlier on. it's not done for fun and you tell it well, despite the feeling of anarchy almost or randomness, brought about by the seemingly wayward punctuation. take it easy mate. later, k
i've certainly had my share of therapy in the past.. comparing it to a chess game is very intriguing. "small in-trails" indeed.. i have a distrust of therapists, sometimes i think they all major in their own neuroses.. not that i haven't had good therapists, i just always fell in love with them!! (isn't that called transference..?)
anyway, good breakdown of the therapy game, as it were.
take care. you can spill your guts to me in a PM and it's free!! lol! just kiddin'...
I really like this write To me you are speaking of a relationship etween two friends and how sadly they live off of the negativity one has to make themselves feel better This is something that happens way to much in todays society We are quick to recognize flaws but hardly ever give praise God Bless Ron
Submission Name: Therapy
