“David, party of two; David, party of two, your table is ready.”

It made my heart stop. Niki says my face went blank and I turned my gaze to the door of the restaurant. Our table wasn’t far from the entrance, and I knew that this was our place. David’s and mine, I mean. No one walked in. I kept looking anyway. Niki laughed at me.

I decided that I was being silly, and let it go. Actually I only pretended to let it go. David was with his mother and grandmother, that’s a party of three, not two. It was a different David. Wasn’t it?

Niki and I were single. I was understood to be with David, but for the night I was alone. Meghan was my best friend on the base, we had met in AIT. Being in the army was hard to do alone, and I loved her like a sister almost immediately. She was beautiful, funny, and smart. Her husband’s name was Justin, and Niki was his 17 year old sister who moved to North Carolina to live with them. Back in those days it wasn’t uncommon for her to follow the duo across the country. Meghan was in Florida with her parents and Justin had gone back nearly a month ago. Niki was staying in the house alone which displeased her brother and sister-in-law, as well as Granny, the land lord. I agreed to stay with her for a few days until Meghan came back. I loved Niki, I still love her. She is a wonderful person.

“David, party of two, your table is ready.”

I don’t remember the exact sequence of events but I know after my heart stopped the second time it was him. I knew what was going on and I could see myself in my all new messed up situation but there was nothing I could do. I was manic on the inside. My skin was hot and white again. My heart was pumping too fast. I waited for him to walk in but he didn’t. I told our waitress who was very understanding. She went outside and came back. She asked me what my boyfriend looked like. I didn’t bother to tell her he wasn’t my boyfriend. He was. In an instant he held the title, whether he wanted it or not. He was my boyfriend and he was standing outside with someone else. Someone he’d spent the last few days trying to hide.

“He told me he was with his mother,” I whispered. I told her what to look for. Not having seen him at all. “He’ll be wearing a hoodie, brown or black,” I said. “And pajama pants. He wears those damn things everywhere. He thinks they’re sweat pants.” She lowered her eyes for a moment and put her hand on my arm. She was black woman, young and beautiful and understanding. I remember her fingernails were champagne colored. Funny, how you remember these things.

“Yes, he’s outside,” she started, “And that is not his mother.”

My heart stopped again. Damn him for this. I’ll die early and it’s because of the abuse my heart has been through. It’s not health to have so many near heart attacks. David and Lisa walked in together then and sat down to wait for a table. They hadn’t been listening. I wondered why. Never wonder why. The same lady who had lead Niki and I to our table lead them to theirs. We had already ate and paid for our meal. I asked my informant to please bring a glass of water, told her that I couldn’t move just yet. I watched them while I waited on her to return. They didn’t touch. They didn’t kiss. They sat across from each other and looked up at picture of a mustang on the wall above their table. The way both of them had their heads turned away from the rest of the world made it easy to sneak up on them. I had my glass of water in my hand. I held it over his head for about five seconds, until he noticed my movement. Or maybe Lisa kicked him. I don’t know. I do know that as soon as he looked at me I poured it over him. It went slow. I remember thinking it would move faster than that. He was dumbfounded. He just kept staring at me. I dropped my arm so fast the glass hit the table and split into a few pieces, one of which was still in my hand. I didn’t notice the cut until Niki did, and by that point we were already in my car. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

“Your grandmother looks really good for her age.” I said it almost silently; but I knew he heard me. Lisa didn’t. Bless her heart. She sat there watching, wondering what her boyfriend could have possibly done to deserve this. I turned and walked away. I had had such a wonderful day until that point. I knew he was with her, I knew it deep down but I couldn’t make myself listen to my own reason. I kept arguing with it. Fighting it. I wanted so much to be happy. Niki had been watching from the table and stood up with her to-go box, and as soon as I was out the door she was right in step behind me. David had parked his car just one space over from mine. How could he not have known I was there? Did he want to be caught? Was this is way of telling me? I dropped the fragment of glass I was holding onto the sidewalk. Niki looked at me. I turned to her and held out my hand. She took my car keys, and I took her box. His sun roof was open, but I opted for the windshield instead. I had become the girlfriend from hell in 2.5 seconds. I opened the box and dumped its insides all over his windshield. The whole time I could hear myself saying ‘how could you? How could you?’ but it never made its way out. I was so angry with him. If he was going to be with Lisa couldn’t he have told me something better than his mother was coming to see him? Couldn’t he have said he was going to be in the field for a week? I know you can’t have your phone with you in the field; I wouldn’t have questioned it twice. Why are men such bad liars? David came running out of the restaurant. He screamed at me, called me a bitch. He accused me of spying on him. Stalking him. Following him there. I couldn’t stand anymore. I hit the ground with a sharp pain in my knee. I had landed on that broken shard of glass. I picked it up. David was pulling me to my feet, screaming at me. Three seconds later Lisa was standing behind him. She was blurry to me, I was crying by that point. I might have been crying the whole time but that’s when I noticed it. I didn’t mean to do it. It was just there, and I was so angry. I reached out and held the glass to his throat, the way I’d seen people in movies do when they’re in a tight situation and want a way out. Only instead of negotiating an out I pushed with all my might into his flesh. Blood rushed over my hand, and I remember thinking it was darker than I expected. David hit the floor. Lisa screamed, but I didn’t hear it. I could only hear him yelling at me, even though he had already stopped. I didn’t mean to kill him.

“Here you go, sweetie,” our waitress said, putting a glass of water on the table. “On the house, Hun,” and walked away. Niki asked me if I was ok. I wanted to hurt him so bad. I looked at her with my eyes filling up with tears. I looked over at their table. “Sure.” I said. I was lying. I wanted to kill him. I drank some of the water. “Let’s go baby, he’s a jerk, let’s just go home,” Niki was pleading with me. I’ve never really been a violent person. I just wanted him to know how it made me feel, like I didn’t exist at all. I was being stupid. I felt like I was acting the way I’d always tried not to when in fact I wasn’t acting at all. I was just sitting there.

“No,” I said, “I’m going over there.” I stood up and looked at Niki. She nodded, telling me she would wait. I walked up to his table. I didn’t bring my glass like I did in my imagination. I just stood there, arms at my sides, pain on my face. David turned three times too slowly and looked at me. He opened his mouth for a moment, closed it again. He didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to say. Poor Lisa was more confused than either of us. She just sat there. I looked at her, but I didn’t see her. She was just a blur. Everyone in the world was a blur except David.

“Your grandmother looks very good for her age,” I said, so softly I didn’t know if sound came out of my mouth at all. David heard me. I turned and walked away. Niki and I got into the car. “How did you do that?” she asked, taking my hand. There was a small cut between my thumb and index finger. Blood was pooling in my palm. “I don’t know.” I whispered. “I hate him, Nick, I hate him so much.”