Description: This is supposed to have text formats to it so it reads better but Elite Skills makes it a slight difficult so I will let it read as is. The formated version is at http://thetwilight.deviantart.com if you are so inclined. This is a conceptual fictional poem.
The Balcony Children -------------------------------------------
It was 20 minutes past the witching hour
Then it was half past one.
I thought I saw her across the way
In the window of Mr. Johnsons place.
Little sister was on the ground
Clutching doll
Clutching droll
With the gravel on her face.
The gravel always did do a little
Something for our grace.
Life seemed so dull
With no food in the pantry
And Mother always gone
With the gravel on her face.
Trading love for money
Money for esteem
Then esteem for love
A circle drawn of waste.
Three blocks down
Mr. Miller plays guitar
Between 7th & Hayes
Lots of people see him
But nobody knows that he
Can play.
He can play.
With the gravel on his face.
We watched behind the bars
The old dirt road
The souls drifting past
Who could ever think
The sun could be
So cold.
So cold.
Once more we were blessed
To see another sunset;
We watched all the stars
All the shooting stars…
With the gravel on our face
Wishing that the world
Was a better
Place.
It was 20 minutes past the witching hour
Then it was half past one
I thought I saw her face
We thought we saw…
its a strange poem . i dont knw what ur getting at here what do u mean by gravel in her face? do u mean she is so poor that she is always dirty or somthin? i dunno
I was very intrigued by this poem. I do not completely understand it, but I think it adequately describes the way people walk around not noticing anything around us. It has great imagery and power. You really create images and emotions in the readers mind. Great write. Keep it up, I'd love to read more of your poetry.
This is a very interesting piece i have to agree with the others it's very abstract an interesting thought-provoking piece. I am rather confused and intrigued as to the symbolism of the gravel n the face, at first i thought it meant being dirty and impue and then i thought maybe it could mean hardships and struggles, i dont know. A very good write though smartly done.
i was unsure but then got into the realness of the visual journey i suddenly was on. the repeats where very well placed and added to the atmosphere of the write good work. The gravel has me a lil puzzled as to it's symbolism but then maybe i mightened be as clever to see the obivous but would be grateful for an explaination ;)
i dont know u but the way u write is very inspiring. its great to see someone take very real situations and meld them into a poetry that doesnt cause the reader to lose intrest. nicely done quite abstract. it sounded kind of like a harlem type of literature...are u black...no offence it just sounds like a harlem write well written sun/justin
...I thought you could format your poems on this site, with html or something...but maybe I'm mistaken (I read it on Deviantart, like you said).
It's really absract to me. You utilize repetition alot... gravel on the face. But what I wanna know is... does that symbolize dirt? D: Dirt...dirty...does that mean... like, "impurity..."? @_@ It's a very interesting, yet ...somewhat confusing piece. But that might be cause I'm tired and somewhat randomly depressed. 3: <3Mi
Submission Name: The Balcony Children
