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    dots Submission Name: The Balcony Childrendots

    Author: thetwilight
    ASL Info:    23/F/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 81/68/15
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1705

       This is supposed to have text formats to it so it reads better but Elite Skills makes it a slight difficult so I will let it read as is. The formated version is at http://thetwilight.deviantart.com if you are so inclined. This is a conceptual fictional poem.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Balcony Childrendots

    It was 20 minutes past the witching hour
    Then it was half past one.
    I thought I saw her across the way
    In the window of Mr. Johnsons place.

    Little sister was on the ground
    Clutching doll
    Clutching droll
    With the gravel on her face.

    The gravel always did do a little
    Something for our grace.

    Life seemed so dull
    With no food in the pantry
    And Mother always gone

    With the gravel on her face.

    Trading love for money
    Money for esteem
    Then esteem for love

    A circle drawn of waste.

    Three blocks down
    Mr. Miller plays guitar
    Between 7th & Hayes
    Lots of people see him
    But nobody knows that he
    Can play.

    He can play.

    With the gravel on his face.

    We watched behind the bars
    The old dirt road
    The souls drifting past

    Who could ever think
    The sun could be
    So cold.

    So cold.

    Once more we were blessed
    To see another sunset;
    We watched all the stars
    All the shooting stars…

    With the gravel on our face

    Wishing that the world
    Was a better

    It was 20 minutes past the witching hour
    Then it was half past one
    I thought I saw her face
    We thought we saw…

    Something in the window
    That we knew was wrong.

    She was gone.

    We were the balcony children…
    And she was

    With the gravel in her face.

    Submitted on 2006-02-27 19:14:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      its a strange poem . i dont knw what ur getting at here what do u mean by gravel in her face? do u mean she is so poor that she is always dirty or somthin? i dunno
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by elva | [ Reply to This ]
      I was very intrigued by this poem. I do not completely understand it, but I think it adequately describes the way people walk around not noticing anything around us. It has great imagery and power. You really create images and emotions in the readers mind. Great write. Keep it up, I'd love to read more of your poetry.
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very interesting piece i have to agree with the others it's very abstract an interesting thought-provoking piece. I am rather confused and intrigued as to the symbolism of the gravel n the face, at first i thought it meant being dirty and impue and then i thought maybe it could mean hardships and struggles, i dont know. A very good write though smartly done.

    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      i was unsure but then got into the realness of the visual journey i suddenly was on. the repeats where very well placed and added to the atmosphere of the write good work. The gravel has me a lil puzzled as to it's symbolism but then maybe i mightened be as clever to see the obivous but would be grateful for an explaination ;)
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by gigergirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont know u but the way u write is very inspiring. its great to see someone take very real situations and meld them into a poetry that doesnt cause the reader to lose intrest. nicely done quite abstract.
    it sounded kind of like a harlem type of literature...are u black...no offence it just sounds like a harlem write well written
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Sun | [ Reply to This ]
      ...I thought you could format your poems on this site, with html or something...but maybe I'm mistaken (I read it on Deviantart, like you said).

    It's really absract to me. You utilize repetition alot... gravel on the face. But what I wanna know is... does that symbolize dirt? D: Dirt...dirty...does that mean... like, "impurity..."? @_@ It's a very interesting, yet ...somewhat confusing piece. But that might be cause I'm tired and somewhat randomly depressed. 3:
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]

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