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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Carnivaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The_Forsaken1
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 18/25/11
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 275
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 548



    Description:
        Just want to let eveyone know that I write free so It's all just there on the paper, thats how I type it. Hope you enjoy it and get my meaning. Thanks for Reading from me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCarnivaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    No place for love,
    A place to part,
    A dark cloud,
    Upon my heart,
    a shadow once,
    a shadow now,
    a shadow slowly staring down.
    I hope a hope,
    I cant ever feel,
    You give a love,
    that isnt real.
    I once was lost,
    but now I'm found,
    dead on desolate ground,
    You loved me once,
    but now I dance,
    a dace with the fate,
    that cast me down,
    You arnt the girl ,
    I used to know,
    Our love is nothing,
    but a show.




    Submitted on 2006-02-27 19:19:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      umm i really have to agree with the others...its very powerful...i love that last like our love is nothing but a show...its really strong, i love this poem so much...its very unique and pleasent to read...good job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by stateXofXmind | [ Reply to This ]
      It's quite amazing how you can write something with considerably perfect flow and rhyme scheme without trying that hard. No one has lived the life you have(major undersatement I know. x3) therefore no one can know exactly how you feel. However, I believe that everyone could relate on some level.

    Forever,
    Lilithe
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Those last lines are really powerful. "our love is nothing but a show" was the most touching to me. Besides a few grammatical errors, I'd really like to see you keep a consistant rhyme scheme. That would make the poetry really easy to read and would give it a nice rhythm. Other than that keep writing cause I love your work. Favoriting!
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by secretsuperstar | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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