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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: why drink my hope?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elva
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 21/19/9
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 604



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhy drink my hope?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    you are my purpose of existance
    yet you crawl through my skin,
    slowly but shurley drainig all hope.

    you grant me life,
    yet keep me on the brink of death,
    barely hanging on
    by a single thread.

    you feed me your elixier,
    your elixier of fear,
    you sing to me softly,
    your bittersweet words,
    edging into my flesh.

    why do you do this to me?
    why drink my reason from my tormented soul?
    why are you allways hungry?
    more importantly when will your intense hunger end?





    Submitted on 2006-02-28 06:51:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow...this is better than the first piece i looked at...this one i thilnk i would put as your featured work...its truly great...
    i like your vocabualary and how the poem doesnt seem t odrag on and on...i would've liked the last line just to be
    "when will your intense hunger end?"
    because it makes it more of a poem and less of just thoughts. thats my only sugestion. good luck girl.
    xoxox
    me
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      Impressive, I can't even count the different ways to understand this poem but it is very communicative. Perhaps work on the spelling so the reading would run smoother...but overall very well done.
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      sorry i spelt struggle wrong , sorry sorry ! also meant to nice nice work;)it won't let me leave my comment so short LOL so i'll just have to repeat my self, good work good work good work LOL
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by gigergirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like your style of writing, i felt an struugle not with your words but with the emotion that followed the words, if that makes sense ;) I thought of addiction and the struggle between the want the need and the part that wants to walk away from the destruction .
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by gigergirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Great imagery, great sense of rhythm and pattern. I loved the thought behind this poem, it really spoke to me. I think perhaps using more symbolism would enhance this poem, but overall, I liked it a lot. Kudos!
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]



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