Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgottendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandan
    ASL Info:    19/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 604/323/49
    Words: 468
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2468



    Description:
       Another class assignment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgottendots
    -------------------------------------------


    He stood rigid, unmoving, his feet planted to the spot. He’d been standing there, idle, for hours now. The wind caressed his neck and body, weaved through his hair, and brought a slight curl down across his forehead. Either he did not notice, or he did not care to push it away; his mind focused on things of greater importance.
    The field was abandoned, save for the lad. Was he the only one who concerned enough to have come? Leaves lifted, to drift for but a moment, and then lied down once more in their resting places. His knees were locked into place. What was he doing here? What was his purpose in coming?
    The cemetery was filled with gravestones, each spaces approximately the same distance from one another, with a few fresh ones being dug for those whom death had recently taken into his care. The site was littered with flowers, random memorandums meant to bring the bodies closer to the onlookers, but instead fluttered off in the vastness of the place, to a new home of ambiguity. The large oak tree stood its ground, roots clinging to the earth with all its might. It stood firm, unyielding. It’d been standing there for years now.
    The young man bent to both knees. His hands gently wiped the dirt away from the front of the stone. He muttered the inscription to the wind, who carried it away to unknown.
    Why was he here? He asked himself again. He did not know he who lied beneath the ground at his feet. He did not know of anyone who slept among the worms at this place. But who else would care? This man had become just another name. At one point, his children, his grandchildren, his relatives cared, knew his name, visited him in his absence from their lives. But now, now he lie forgotten beneath the sod of some dusty old cemetery. It was possible that he was much like this man he never knew. It was possible that - in the end - he would become as he were now.
    A tear rolled began its descent along the smooth line of his cheek: He reached up and stopped it. He would be stronger, he would make a history... he refused to be forgotten.
    So he rose to stability once more, and walked down the road to freedom. He set off to make a name for himself. Little did he know, that a name was all that would be left upon the marker in the ground in his honor.
    He’s been forgotten there for lifetimes now. Until, perhaps, one day, someone should stumble upon his grave...




    Submitted on 2006-02-28 08:13:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This excellent! I like the descriptions of the guy at the beginning, especially. Very very well put together. I also like the image of the oak tree standing firm, rooted and clinging with all its' might. And how when you're talking about death, it sounds more soft and kinda like the people in their graves died in their sleep. "...fresh ones being dug for those whom death had recently taken into his care." That's a unique original way of saying more nameless dead people are gonna take residence there. I admire the situation as a whole, too.

    The absolutely only mistake that I found: "A tear rolled began its descent along the smooth line of his cheek"
    The first part of that... I think some sort of punctuation should be after 'rolled.' But that's so minor, you're probably not gonna fix it =P

    I know it's not much, but in reference to your recent journal, you've got my sympathy and I hope you can pull through with a clear conscious. Things change.
    | Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.