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at one time i thought things were great, then i guess i was hit with fate, things could never go good for me, i was just the person i didnt want to be, i stayed lonley, still having hope , long and hard and no matter how far. i look back at me and him, and all i can think is gosh life is dim, at one time i held him so high, i didnt ever think about the end , or when it would come. two months later, we cant stand eachother, we used to smile and laugh, now we could push the other off a cliff. now i see that the stars went black, when he broke my heart, all i did was fall apart, it wasnt good for me nor my self-esteem, but now i can see, the stars no matter how dark it may be, and i understand that the ones you work for, are the ones worth while. and never tell youself , that you have it perfect, you never know what tmr. has in store, but always remember to keep the stars, burning bright as the sunlight, on a hot summer day, there is always hope in everything, in each and every way. |
this was really cute...made alil sense...try to be more open with your feelings try to have it rhyme more...it would be more interesting| Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by dianne | [ Reply to This ] | I really like the message you are portraying...but it seems unfinished. I don't know if you were going for a rhyme sceme or not. If you were try to stay consitance throughout the entire peice. | | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by chilz | [ Reply to This ] | it was really good, though it was hard to see if you were doing free verse or not. it feel like you could add just a little bit more to it so it'd feel just right. | | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by WritingPrincess | [ Reply to This ] | This was good Kaial the flow of the poem was a little sketchy in the middle, but in the other stanzas they were really good. The way some of the lines rtyhmed was really good i usually don't like the rtyhming poems but that fit really well with this poems. I really hope you find someone that can make you really happy *cough* Me *cough* well keep writing Kaila and I'll keep trying to help love ya lady | xoxoxo =Logan= | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ] | |