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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Blues and Graysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1276
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 910



    Description:
       I'm not sure really how this piece came out I mean usually I have some kind of feeling on rather i like it or not or even it I feel its actually finished so I'm asking you my Elite poet friends to give me you input on this
    thanks a lot adnil


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Blues and Graysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Into battles Sherman and Lee lead
    From Gettysburg to the Shiloh valleys
    Cannons fired in a deafening thunder
    Renting a nation asunder
    Brother against brother father against son
    Bloody battles sieges were lost won
    Yet the North and South had only just begun
    To tear themselves apart with blood and guns
    Raging on as each side gave their all
    Bound and determined the other would fall
    With saber and horse they charged into the fight
    Blues and Grays clashing left and right
    Some say Ole Glory had named her final price
    For a war fought against a slaveries vice
    Though victories had its bitter cost
    So much was destroyed...forever lost
    As a bullet took a president one night
    While a nation was still griped in its blight
    Yet never shall we forget the roars
    Of the mighty Civil war




    Submitted on 2006-02-28 18:27:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yes, I would tend to agree with the previous comments.

    I liked reading a poem about the American Civil war and I thought the title was imaginative.

    The main criticism I would have, would be the flow. I think in places it was very good, but it did fall down in some parts, particulary at the start. For example in the 1st line I would've put "Into the battle went Sherman and Lee" and the 4th: "renting a nation completely asunder".

    For lines 11 and 12, I'd say "With saber and horse they charged in to fight/Blues and grays clashing from left and from right".

    So, in conclusion I think the content and the idea was good, but the structure needs some work. Sorry, hope that doesn't sound too critical, I did enjoy the poem!

    Alex
    | Posted on 2008-10-31 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very impressive, the concept and subject matter vastly different than the usual stuff I find on this site. In a way its relaxing to see a poem written about our history, just because you rarely see it happen.

    I found the poem to be very well written, the constant rhyme scheme working very well, although I found the first rhyme to be a bit of a stretch, but it doesn't really distract from the piece as a whole.

    This was such an original piece, and it made me want to continue to read more of your work.

    SB7
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it... find it Ironic that I am in civil war history now. My teacher now would love this. Mr Angle is a huge Civil War buff

    The flow was a bit harsh for me thow.
    Other than that I loved the poem
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda
    This is a really powerful write were you keep the memory of the Civil War alive in other peoples hearts
    This was a terrible war
    Probably the worst war ever and we should not forget this war for a minute
    My father has many civil war books laying around the house as he has a fascination with this war
    Thank You for spreading the message
    There are lessons to be learned from War
    God Bless
    Ron

    And Linda I am sincerelly touched that you added me to your stalkers list
    It is nice to know someone enjoys my poetry enough to do such a thing
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron

    And also
    Danielle is doing ok
    she is such a fighter
    She wont let this illness bring her down
    Everytime she talks to me on the phone
    She always says to me
    Nonnie I see forever
    It Brings a tear to my eye
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did a fine job on this Linda! Just a places with the flow, but overall this was very good and you should be proud of yourself for the work you put into this. I think this was a poem that showed both sides of the war and you described very well scences on the battlefield. Girl, you done good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93226

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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