Description: this poem is based on an experience i had about a month ago driving back downtown after a trip to the suburbs. the experience was so powerful that i couldn't even talk about it for a while.
IN THE CITY -------------------------------------------
in the city
you have to walk fast
the pigeons chase you if you don't feed them
the man in the doorway demands a dollar
the hot dog vendors are out at eight in the morning
and the coffee is always fresh and hot
at the 50s-themed cafe in the theatre district
where they serve french fries with everything
and the waitresses are authentic nylon-pink frumpy
in the city when you stop for gas
the bum that comes up and asks for money
turns out to be a homeless vietnam vet
who cries and gets down on his knees
because he doesn't want to steal anymore
and you give him all you have
and end up sobbing behind the wheel
after he vanishes into the night
because the weight of his brokeness
is too much to bear
Poverty is a sad reality to witness. I've witnessed my share of homeless men in the earlier years of my life, and the hopelessness and dependency of their state of life has always touched me. Now I'm involved in a community service association that provides wheelchairs for disabled people annually, and holds food drives as well although lately, the group hasn't been as active.
I like your poem, and was especially touched by s2. I noticed that you've presented a piece that has two different tones that jump from one straight into the other. In s1, you describe certain aspects of the city that make it stand out from rural areas and suburbs, but in s2, you dove into a specific and distressing experience. It's quite an interesting jump. Sometimes leaping tones don't work out, but for your piece, I think it's alright. Er, one suggestion (can't help myself) you might want to replace "brokeness" with "poverty" for a better effect. Well, thanks for sharing your experience. It certainly reminded me why I love volunteer work.
Joe, Joe, Joe...impressive. I recall this story from one of our conversations earlier. I saw the direction change long before you did it though (you told me it was coming :). It was nicely played though. The reader is thinking...business as usual. And then you brought the reality of something that you pass by everyday, home to everyone. You made it up close and personal. You made it REAL! I believe we all go through things like this during our journey. Some of us choose to interact or not to interact, while others of us are reeled in just because we were there. You were there...and I commend you for being able to bring it to others to see and feel! Three cheers my friend!
Submission Name: IN THE CITY
