Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thunderheaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 667
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548



    Description:
       It is about a person, not a real person. I guess it is sort of a character composite.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThunderheaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She is stormy;
    a thunderhead
    coming across
    a mountain pass
    as an uncertain
    threat at sunset,
    the last laugh
    of a bipolar day.

    Her billowy
    bold top glows
    touched with
    pink and gold
    but beneath churns
    a darkness
    without molded
    form.

    We need the rain
    but wonder
    if it is worth
    the boomers,
    wind whirls
    lightening,
    emotional
    cloud bursts
    and soul erosion.




    Submitted on 2006-03-01 07:24:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was very nice. Unique character description and I must say that I like some of her attributes. This was an interesting fun read and I can bet that it was a fun write.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very nice. Unique character description and I must say that I like some of her attributes. This was an interesting fun read and I can bet that it was a fun write.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Unique, and well written! She sounds like someone that would be hard to ingore, for sure. Perhaps someone who is in fact "bipolar" brought this on? I like how you threw that in there, it fit so well with the entire write. Wherever the idea originated, I think you did a great job bringing it about.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting write here. I like it a lot. I would delete the 3rd line in the 2nd stanza, but that's up to you.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem
    I find it odd that you would refer to the rain as bringing soul erosion
    My beliefs are exactly the opposite
    There is nothing more beautiful then a thunderstorm as the rain washes all cares away
    Nice Write Chrystine
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it just the way it is, but then maybe its because I love the rain and watching clouds roll by,keep tapping those keys am looking forward to reading more of your works
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      This poems got farly goodsymbolism really quiteimpressive however i wold have to agree on the confusion in your second stanza 'her billowy,rop glows as iftouched with pink and gold' i mean if you could just explain why you chose the colors or somthing... anyway great job though this is a nice poem and if you dont mind i'd love to use it for a school project involving poetry
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by Breed of Wind | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea, but I'm not really in love with the word choice. Also, the poem does not conclusively end. If you feel so obliged, go back and either re-write the last stanza, or add something.

    also, in the second stanza, you say 'her billowy top glows as if touched with pink and gold' If you could, find something that might give it those colors to touch it with in stead of those colors themselves. This could be worked up into a really good piece!
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved your whole first stanza and your very last line. Very nice writing.

    I do agree with your earlier commenter who suggested that you dump the 3rd line of the 2nd stanza. You don't really need it and the poem is more powerful without it.

    A bipolar day. LOL - I'm going to use that, I just know I am. Do I have to give you credit if I just say it sometimes but don't put it in a poem?LOL

    Nice job here. mae
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a well-written poem and I do not agree with most of the fellowers who commented on your poem and I find it good. I prefer you keep your poem as it is. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo! I think you did a very good job with decscribing how your frind is unpredictable. Like most bipoloar moments in life, you never now what to expect. This personafied that fact. Your choose of words, made for great imagery. I truly loved the flow of this one. Great job!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Chrystine,

    this is interesting and I would say the flowers sometimes lead those applicable into provocation. ehehe, some of the folks I work with are like this, I learn so much by calming them down.

    Nice write, hope things are well in your world. Oh and if I didn't thank you for "the artist" please forgive me. I am working way too much these days, hoping I can retire at least in my own mind.

    love and light,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this makes me think of someone i knew really well down in Cali.. this describes her to a T..

    Her billowy
    bold top glows
    touched with
    pink and gold
    but beneath churns
    a darkness
    without molded
    form...

    she could turn on a dime and the storm would come crashing in on all of us around her.

    excellent write, Chrystine. i'm just glad i am no longer involved with this person. it was too much and was one of those "high maintenance" relationships.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93270

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry