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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stupid Sheepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: strike three
    ASL Info:    32/m/Ethiopia
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 49/54/28
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 444



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStupid Sheepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    White waves of fluffy sheep,
    Fading into blissful sleep.
    Celestial cornets quietly hum,
    Mangled minds come undone.

    Pesky picky broody peeps,
    And little Bopeep loses a sheep.
    Clumsy cornets clang offbeat,
    Stupid sheep fall to their feet.

    Crap! Trap! Start again.
    Slowly count from 1 -10.
    Shut, still, quiet please,
    Canít I freaking go to sleep?




    Submitted on 2006-03-01 09:03:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thats really cute its like a nursery rhyme but deeper! the ending is the best! I agree with the first comment this deserved more feedback and now it has it
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by emb_er77 | [ Reply to This ]
      THis was just grand and I cannot believe that you have no comments...makes me wonder what kind of audience we have here in this place. I thought you did a great job and I could relate to it and it made me smile!

    Peace
    Jazmine Mystique Swaim
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Very unorthodox style of writing. Has a wierd but good flow. I enjoyed reading it! Especially the last two lines
    "Shut, still, quiet please,
    Can&#8217;t I freaking go to sleep?"
    Cheers,
    Saaber
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Saaber | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the first comment, you should have more feedback encouraging your mind to expand and let out such beautiful words as this.
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by CaptainRogers | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow this is absolutely brilliant! funny :D

    i gotta fav this one... i really like it. great flow, and very well written... (useless comment, huh..lol?)

    i especially love the ending. (i have some trouble falling asleep too :P)

    great job, dude..

    cheers
    nisha
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Mud | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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