Interesting that you remind of another writer here, the style is very much the same. And I see beautiful metaphors that express your feelings, quite vividly. You gave the story of your longing in the intro and I'm glad to have it as backround.
But I challenge you to write it into the poem itself. what was your friend like? why did you part ways? Because what you've given me is only part of the story. And I do like your ocean metaphor, it's lovely, maybe something might come from it that feeds into all of this? And thanks for sharing your poem too,
im guessing that because you chose the 'bash it' as your commentry type, you don't really like this poem yourself. were you after pointers to improve it? personally, i think it's fine the way it is. there's a lot of emotion here that i think many people can relate to. i have to agree with Mr_Eff, i especially like the line ~
'Tonight awakens to mourn' thats beautiful, another great write. michelle
i can't get the last 2 lines of the second stanza. I really like it tho, its inspirational and the mood is something that a lot of modern poetry has forgotten. I like ur style, feels like reading poetry by yeats. Personally i would love to drift away and it sounds so simple... but sometimes i feel i am tied ashore. I can totally connect. Wish more people wrote like u. great
I liked the overall effect, but my particular favorite was the part where the "night awakens to mourn" I lust after a play on words. Slick, and well placed. I'm forced to go over it again, to see if I find more tidbits.
it seemed kind of like scattered thoughts to me...not really connected enough. i got side tracked and felt disconnected when reading this. HOWEVER...i loved your word choice, and my favourite part of the poem had to be:
"every tear a memory each blink a closure that flashes then drips away to a story in a puddle."
because it's just a beautiful, beautiful stanza. keep writing. <3
I really like this one To me this write speaks of how everything that happens in life leaves a memory in our brain Be it good or bad it will always be there I really like the way you wrote and structured this This remindds me a lot of my writes God Bless Ron