Description: It just may be the stuff dreams are made of.ok Guys I tried to do this in the abstract kind of way but nobody seemed to picture what I was saying it was confuseing I guess,so Maggie said to tell you all what its actually about and then maybe you'd understand the poem so here goes.the carousel is the world,the brass ring is lifes opportunities the dime isn't money its what it takes to make your dreams come true
adnil
The Brass Ring -------------------------------------------
The carnival barker cried out
Dreams awaitin to be fulfilled
For the price of a dime
You can ride this magifient carousel
Course it ain't for everyone...
Though its a small price to pay for a dream
You could get lucky enough
To be the one to catch the brass ring
Just grab out everytime you see
This magical ring coming your way
Though some may give up to easily
And empty handed they'll be one day
So if theres something you want
I'm telling you,its within your grasp
Take a chance its only a dime
Hey you! Little boy reach..reach higher
Catch that wonderful dream made of brass
Hold on to it with all your might
Cause magic's in the air this night
Yes this is an abstract piece of writing but in many cases and I believe in this case thats what makes it charming. Who said the reader has to fully understand what the poem is about? Sometimes the mystery is what makes it so great! Never try to placate your audience too much for them to understand, say what comes into your mind and your imagination reguardless of whether or not the reader will catch on. I always approach poetry that way. The bottom line is when I read this poem it made my imagination take shape and that is why I decided to comment on this one. So just know that no matter what your poem turns out to be if its with sincerity and thought it will stand that way. Nice job!
Ah Linda This write leaves a refreshing and lovely feeling of hope inside me This write is beautiful This brought back great memories for me of going to a county fair and reaching for the brass ring while my mother and father where together cheering me on Oh how I wish they never would have seperated God Bless Ron
Ok, I have a question about this one and thanks for explaining it in your description. You said,"the carousel is the world,the brass ring is lifes opportunities the dime isn't money its what it takes to make your dreams come true" so who is the Carnival Barker? Is that like say'n your destiny is calling you so pay close attention? Or. would it be time calling out to say your dreams can come true if your ride on the Carousel is one with dignity, honesty and love for your fellow person? You painted the picture and I just let my imagination run wild in it. I must say I enjoyed reading this poem... !doc'
its a bit confusing amazing but im not sure what the purpous was...im sure there is a good one im just pritty stupid and new at this and cat findit i like the part were u rimed night and might...alothe maybe u should change it to "tonight" from this night...
I think this one was very vague and elusive in nature. It was hard to connect with this one for it really was like a disjointed dream! If that was your aim, you nailed then. If not, then I would say some sort of clarity and a define theme to this one. All in all, your wording was just perfect. And you had a good flow. I hope this helped some.
I read this poem twice, first without reading your explaination, which left me utterly confused about it. But after reading your explaination very carefully, I realised the inner beauty of this write. Besides that, the flow was good and so was the word choice. I particularly enjoyed these last few lines besides the Carousell (sp?) one
"Hey you! Little boy reach..reach higher Catch that wonderful dream made of brass Hold on to it with all your might Cause magic's in the air this night"
I'm not sure if I agree with Maggie, it's really up to you. The use of the carousel as a metaphor for life is fine, and the brass ring the highest of ambitions, that's equally fine.
Most people would read between the lines, i reckon.
I wrote a 20 poem series called "the circus" which follows sort of the same theme you have here.
Submission Name: The Brass Ring
