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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: HuntersApprentice & IHadADreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 400
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 196
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2849



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "Hunter's Apprentice" and "I Had A Dream". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHuntersApprentice & IHadADreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Hunter's Apprentice

    I

    In the green, green glen
    In earliest spring,
    The court hunter sleeps
    As the fair bard sings.

    The hunter's party
    Doth doze this day,
    In the morn they return
    To their country gay.

    But whilst they rest
    None can know
    The Hunter's apprentice
    Doth bolder grow.

    His footfalls step
    On silent ground;
    He ties a leash
    Round his master's hound.

    With quick reproach
    For yelps of glee,
    Apprentice and dog
    To the woods do flee.

    II

    They stalk the trail
    Where boar tracks stray,
    And do not see
    Blue skies turn grey.

    In and out
    Through thickets thick,
    Dog and boy
    Do stumble quick;

    And push their way,
    As best they can,
    through brush and briar
    Long shunned by man.

    In search of hare
    Or stag or boar
    Boy and dog
    Do stumble more,

    Till comes the time
    He turns around
    And looks far forth
    At unknown ground.

    III

    In and out
    Run their own tracks,
    And above he sees
    Grey skies turn black.

    As rain drops down,
    Cold as ice,
    And mist climbs up --
    He hears a voice.

    The Hunter's shout,
    Once strong and loud,
    Now mocks itself
    Through fog white shroud.

    The boy from fear
    Answer's not the call,
    Only pushes on
    The thicket wall.

    In chill spring mud
    Where warm tears flow
    The Hunter's apprentice
    Doth cold, cold grow.



    I Had A Dream

    I had a dream about you last night,

    And the dream, it was a poem of all things, temporal and eternal,
    For time is a part of this universe,
    And it's easier to believe in you than the invisible abyss.

    And the poem was a vision of the tides, erasing every trace of man,
    For man is a wildfire while the tides ebb and flow ever and anon,
    Which feels as a wildfire to the time I knew love.

    And the vision was a tear, like those from you that day,
    For your eyes have haunted me since, sliding into my life by night.
    While the tear for your memory never fell from my eye,
    It falls still from my soul.

    And the tear was a dream I had last night.







    Submitted on 2006-03-02 05:23:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Disclaimer: I might just be tired.

    See, the first one is long, and people look at it, and go AH!, and then they go away.

    But I'm not people so I'll read it.

    So, personally, all the nature-y stuff just doesn't do it for me. The second poem is quite nice, though, but still not one of your best. It gets kind of twisty in the middle.

    --Jasmine
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]



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