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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Spheredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Trufflepiggy
    ASL Info:    20something/Fe/USA
    Elite Ratio:    6.11 - 63/47/14
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Prose/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 231
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1512



    Description:
       What you are seeing is an original work that was created on February 23 of this year. This stemmed out of a session with the author I mentioned in my journal. Additionaly, I'd like to add this has been revamped as off March 2nd. I plan to put both up.
    Pweeeaase be patient with me people, but I'd really like to share the impressions this older author has made on me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Spheredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look!
    Look at this whimsical object.
    It's a child's plaything, a rubber bouncing circle.
    It's had little girl mucus upon its thick shell, little boy spittle covering its hide.
    Mom and Dad, Grandpa and Granny tears that once streamed down its mottled features when they thought about not being able to use this object again with younger generations.

    LOOK!
    Look at this, it's an interesting, whimsical object!
    It's a black, green, and white gravity-defying child's plaything!
    I remember when that bouncing sphere was mine.
    I was in my front yard one day, enticing the neighbor's kid with that object.
    Look at this, boy!
    Look at how this item is captivating and funny!
    I can make you laugh by ricocheting it off my knee, and making frenzied dashes after it.

    I remember throwing it to him, wanting to share the magical ecstasy that radiated out of the germ-ridden, black, green, and --BAM!
    It hit him. Right in the nose, it hit him.
    Having let the ball fall, he paused for a moment, then went flailing back to his yard, sobbing, blubbering, screeching for Daddy, his chubby face braided like a wrung towel.

    I put down the dappled, time-worn sphere which now had spatterings of little red dots streaking across the rubbery surface.
    I considered what had just happened.

    Suddenly, it wasn't an interesting object anymore.




    Submitted on 2006-03-02 07:45:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      KATE! ONG ITS THE KATEEEEE! HIIIII! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! -is your biggest most fan-girlish person EVER! ONG! I LOVE YOU! -spazzes out spastically- AHHH!

    -ahem- Right. On to the words an such.-shifty eyes-

    This is really spiffy, and the dramatic sudden change of the mood was all like, "Whoa. o.O" and such. I like it a lot though. I wanna play with a ball. o.o

    You need to Neomail me or I shall SMITE THEE DOWN, PIGGSTER! You have a pm, by they way.
    ~Teh Crowness
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the poem. I really like the usage of the "sphere" to symbolize different things. Your use of it was versatile enough to keep my attention. The only bad thing/critical thing that I can say, is that I would choose carefully how broke this poem up. Some people write just to write, but anything that is written to keep the readers attention needs more interest between the lines and stanzas. Overall, I am very impressed with the work. You showed that you weren't afraid to be adventurous with your work. That's a good thing among writers, and pretty hard to find. The main thing about this poem that I liked, was that it didn't really conform to anything. It was completely you. I'd like to see more.
    Best Luck!
    ~Clover
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]



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