Cuddles by ebflannery

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Submission Name: Cuddles dots

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Author:	ebflannery
ASL Info:	24/
Elite Ratio:	4.6 - 184/184/48
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	225
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	507

Description:
My poor Handsome....

Cuddles

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The baby is miserable and crying
because he just doesn't feel right
He is coughing and his nose drips
He was up all night
His big eyes look at me to say
"Mama! Make it better!"
And you know I would, if I could
I would do anything for that 'feller
So I pick him up and hold him close
While he pulls my hair and druels on me
He smiles for in all the world
What he needs most is cuddles from his mommy!

Submitted on 2006-03-02 19:54:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Papa's give great hugs and soothings as well.
Mom most often gets to ease the common problems though. Thank God for good-great-loving-caring-and attentative moms, of which you must certainly be.
This gave such a warm and touching feeling in the memory of past child raising expierences.
Well done, and many more to you my friend, write on.
"I" might change the last line to read-------
"What he needs most is cuddles from ME"
But; I'm too much of a rhymer to pass up a chance to sneak one in!
My advice is free and can be filed in No.13 if you wish!
Later!
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
  The spelling of "dreuls" is actually "drools"
A good write to show the importance of mothers in our world. Some of the rhymes seemed forced in the poem, especially these lines

"His big eyes look at me to say
"Mama! Make it better!"
And you know I would, if I could
I would do anything for that 'feller"

Maybe, you could have elaborated better if you ditched the rhyme scene.

I think that for this vast topic, you could have written much more.

On the whole however, its not the worst poem nor the best

Hope these suggestions will help you
Thanks for sharing
John*
| Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this piece. The whole thing seemed like a tribute to motherhood and the unique relationship mothers establish with their children as well as the understanding, warmth and love between the two. I think it would be excellent for a Children's Book because of its rhythemic structure (plus it sticks in my mind as something someone would've read to me as a child) and it's message of love and comfort. It's very sweet.

~Elle
| Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by seoul_mecht | [ Reply to This ]
  Sorry, I'm a little nitpicky - it's "drools", not "druels". It's not really about the spelling though, not at all. Writing is about getting across emotions, and I think you got that down. This was very cute, great descriptions...I can imagine the little kid, totally, with his eyes and drippy nose, heh heh. My only suggestion is to explain more...what makes this child so special to the mother? Try to make someone like me, who doesn't know anything about motherhood, to understand it. Try to make me want to pick up this teary, snot-filled kid up and cuddle with him. What's charming about him? You get the idea. Keep up the excellent work!
| Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by travwell | [ Reply to This ]
  i wish i could say i could relate to this poem but my mom left when I was two and i don't remember anything that far back.

as far as a poem goes the feelings in this would describe the normal bond between a child and their mom so congrats for capturing the moment in life.

dax
| Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]
  cuddles from his mommy and some baby tylenol! and maybe some saline nose spray. anyway, this was sweet and loving, and new. i dont know what it's like to have a kid, but it must be nice/pain in the ass.
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ]

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