[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Veritasdots

    Author: Darkstar9500
    ASL Info:    18/male/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 39/56/19
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 486

       The truth is sometimes too hard to bear. Especially when it comes to a person you love. I wrote this while thinking. Is it better to be covered in lies just so you feel better, or to be surround by the truth, that your loved one is to leave you? It was my first try at a ryhming poem. I should have done something like abab. But oh well.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Come whisper in my ear
    Tell me only what I want to hear
    Let me know that you will always be here
    I want to take away all your fears
    Wipe away all your tears
    But soon you will not be there

    Veritas, the reason for all my pain
    Reminding me that it's all in vain
    The lies are only what keep me sane
    Veritas, it's too hard to restrain
    The dark lies try to heal the pain
    Veritas, it is our refrain

    Submitted on 2006-03-02 20:34:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      great rythem to it! when i read it, it reminded me of some song i once heard. I agree with BreakAndFall, it does sound a little forced with rythm, maybe make it come out of who you really are more. If that makes sence. well Great job keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by frenchie_inlove | [ Reply to This ]
      just know one thing... i have never lied to you, nor will i EVER lie to you. Good poem tho. Deep thought and a good honest attempt at rhyming. I think you will find it easier if you dont try to rhyme so many lines all together. Try rhyming two lines at a time, like aa bb cc or something like that. its usually simplier and appears less forced. Also, I really liked the repetition of Veritas. It really had a great effect and it really emphasized your thoughts and emotions behind this poem. keep it up, you're getting better every time you write!
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]