Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nine Demons Dancingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dolor
    ASL Info:    21/m
    Elite Ratio:    6.06 - 129/158/79
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       Morbid rehabilitation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNine Demons Dancingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Aftermath is quietly succumbing…
    Shock reflected from emotionless burns.
    Lately cruel barbs and crazed lamenting,
    A shell on the beach slowly turns.

    Looking up, the Hillside remains valiant;
    Like a demon race.
    They bring you into a promised land,
    Disbelief, a startling blank face.

    When you return to reality,
    Or what seems to be:
    Gashing Fatality,
    Near the incense tree.

    Something inside is filled…

    You were asking how,
    I would not answer anyway.
    I belong to the hills,
    A silent reverie.

    (Everything had ominous meaning until now. Only if I had the chance of release, significant lives may not have been banished with the salty leaves and sandy sea…)




    Submitted on 2006-03-02 21:20:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry you don't have any comments before this one because it must have been over their head. The beginning is very good, but towards the end it gets a little shakey. Near the incense tree? that is a little awkward, and then i would personally get rid of the word "anyway" in the last stanza, other then that, this was an excellent write and i liked it
    Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, this was waaaayyyyy over my head. I know it's satire, I'm just not sure who you are poking fun at. Where this was some good writing...there was a lack of clarity. To much for me at least. Overall, to evasive and the flow was off a bit. Good word choice...just to vague of use as a ona whole.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93542

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry