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    dots Submission Name: Nine Demons Dancingdots

    Author: Dolor
    ASL Info:    21/m
    Elite Ratio:    6.06 - 129/158/79
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818

       Morbid rehabilitation.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNine Demons Dancingdots

    Aftermath is quietly succumbing…
    Shock reflected from emotionless burns.
    Lately cruel barbs and crazed lamenting,
    A shell on the beach slowly turns.

    Looking up, the Hillside remains valiant;
    Like a demon race.
    They bring you into a promised land,
    Disbelief, a startling blank face.

    When you return to reality,
    Or what seems to be:
    Gashing Fatality,
    Near the incense tree.

    Something inside is filled…

    You were asking how,
    I would not answer anyway.
    I belong to the hills,
    A silent reverie.

    (Everything had ominous meaning until now. Only if I had the chance of release, significant lives may not have been banished with the salty leaves and sandy sea…)

    Submitted on 2006-03-02 21:20:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry you don't have any comments before this one because it must have been over their head. The beginning is very good, but towards the end it gets a little shakey. Near the incense tree? that is a little awkward, and then i would personally get rid of the word "anyway" in the last stanza, other then that, this was an excellent write and i liked it
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, this was waaaayyyyy over my head. I know it's satire, I'm just not sure who you are poking fun at. Where this was some good writing...there was a lack of clarity. To much for me at least. Overall, to evasive and the flow was off a bit. Good word choice...just to vague of use as a ona whole.

    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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