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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nine Demons Dancingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dolor
    ASL Info:    21/m
    Elite Ratio:    6.06 - 129/158/79
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 981
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       Morbid rehabilitation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNine Demons Dancingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Aftermath is quietly succumbing…
    Shock reflected from emotionless burns.
    Lately cruel barbs and crazed lamenting,
    A shell on the beach slowly turns.

    Looking up, the Hillside remains valiant;
    Like a demon race.
    They bring you into a promised land,
    Disbelief, a startling blank face.

    When you return to reality,
    Or what seems to be:
    Gashing Fatality,
    Near the incense tree.

    Something inside is filled…

    You were asking how,
    I would not answer anyway.
    I belong to the hills,
    A silent reverie.

    (Everything had ominous meaning until now. Only if I had the chance of release, significant lives may not have been banished with the salty leaves and sandy sea…)




    Submitted on 2006-03-02 21:20:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry you don't have any comments before this one because it must have been over their head. The beginning is very good, but towards the end it gets a little shakey. Near the incense tree? that is a little awkward, and then i would personally get rid of the word "anyway" in the last stanza, other then that, this was an excellent write and i liked it
    Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, this was waaaayyyyy over my head. I know it's satire, I'm just not sure who you are poking fun at. Where this was some good writing...there was a lack of clarity. To much for me at least. Overall, to evasive and the flow was off a bit. Good word choice...just to vague of use as a ona whole.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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