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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Donnie Darkodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: H.a.n.n.a.h
    ASL Info:    15/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    2.62 - 5/10/8
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       I was bored and just wrote this. haha its a good thing donnie darko is my favorite movie. if you havent seen it then this poem is most likely not going to make sense to you


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDonnie Darkodots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the sky opens up it creates a dark ring
    Knowing it is soon to end, when the birds no longer sing
    The tapping of your blatant pen on your wooden desk
    Making it impossible for the endless stress to rest
    My eyelids playing a movie for what is known to come
    Unbelievably unreal to those who have lost, but I have won
    Counting the days till I see that suit, and the speeding car
    Driving down the dusty road, it still seems so far
    Until itís too late and you lay among the dirty ground
    What have I done to create this mess, you are so far from found
    Here I go I pick you up and take you on a ride
    We sit and I watch the sunset as I realize, its my fault you died
    It all rewinds and it falls down on me
    You stare at my house standing by the tree
    Itís my fault you donít know me.




    Submitted on 2006-03-02 22:28:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is so much like the movie. It's one of my fav movies too. I love the description of the sky and such.
    It's a great write
    :)
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by Psychohenry32 | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never seen the movie,but I do know I liked your poem I really liked the line knowning it is soon to end when the birds no longer sing,this has a very sadly beauitful image to it good write keep tapping those keys kid
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      You really have a great grasp of imagery and transposing emotion through the use of pacing and decaying ideas.

    I do think however, that this piece can really be boiled down to it's barest elements and really punctuate the point, for example:

    'As the sky opens up it creates a dark ring
    Knowing it is soon to end, when the birds no longer sing' could be seen as:

    'A sky opening to a dark ring
    Knowing soon the end, as birds no longer sing.'

    Just a suggestion is all,

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]


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