good attempt at Haikus. But, it is my opinion that each line should be a complete thought such as: The dog was lazy The fox so very much too No bites shared at scene.
I'm guessing these are three separate pieces? You should probably submit them separately, because I'm a little unclear. But they're all very enjoyable (not to mention, clever!), especially the last one.
The reason why the last one is so great is because it mixes traditional with modern...traditional haikus in Japan always tell us the season by using clues, for example, if they say "sakura" (cherry blossoms) it means the haiku is about spring. This obviously showed us a snippet of a winter scene by mentioning "frozen" and "Happy New Year". I really got a sense of being cold and drunk.
The first two are pretty philosophical, they made me think, and that's awesome. I don't really have any more critism, except that you should write more! I really enjoyed your work!
I do actually quite like the third one myself, though maybe change the last line with the last fiver words of the second so it reads "Frozen vomit on The steps, uspended in Ice. A Happy New Year." I think that would make it an even more traditional Haiku, since I've always read that the two first lines were all image and the last line the comment. Just an idea. Funny, Jason. But also deep in it's own twisted way.
Submission Name: More Obnoxious Haikus
