Description: There really isnt anything that leads me up to the point of writing i pick up a pen and i either write or i dont...sometimes i think the pen decides.
Rejecting the light -------------------------------------------
I hold my head under
gravity leaves my soul behind
drifting upwards
to heavens unknown
steadely moving
that rightious incline
leaving the battered
and broken at home
touching upon
a reality
a distant memory
everything is leaving me
floating all around
the body my soul rejected
the love my heart neglected
the reality my brain selected
until its just pieces of me
broken and torn apart
looking down....
at my eyes and lips and heart
the light moves me onward
drifting past the clouds
the gates stand before me
angles singing out loud
a happiness washes over me
im ready to walk through
a hand reaches up and stops me
and brings me back down
the soul united,
the pieces a new
the light may have passed by
but it left me you
Hmm...unlike some of the other posters, I liked this piece a lot and got into it. To me it was about someone drowning, but not to worried about it, like hey, i'm drowning, oh well...then being saved at the last second...What would that be like, being at heaven's gates then pulled away right before you walk through? It must be hell...no pun or whatever intended...i think i used that wrong. Anyway, I really liked this piece, I could relate well to it, that feeling of just giving up.
My first thought, same as Darth Zeus: I really like the 3 lines in the middle that she mentioned; it's in a perfect spot, and not overused. At first I thought it was a little too cryptic, too hard to follow, but it comes together pretty well through the second half. I really liked the end; it's a lot different than a lot of typical poems that just begin and end in just ranting. Overall, surprisingly refreshing and well done.
I think I found my writing soulmate ... I love how you just picked up a pen and wrote this (I do the same thing) The flow is good, and I can feel the wanting for sometihng. It is a very cool write, and i love it :) keep it up
hi and welcome.. I was like amazed by your intoduction on the forum.. No I wasn't really, but I thought, lets have a look after all.. The flow in this piece was really good, it was at some high speed if you ask me, but that was good. I like especially this part:
the body my sould rejected the love my heart neglected the reality my brain selected
that structure is really cool.. Now about the story. I'm sorry to tell, but I didn't really get into and neither did it made me think of anything.. but maybe that's me on a sleepy morning..
i like this very much. it has natural rhythm and flow that takes you right through the poem. you capture a moment of thought, a state of being, beautifully. it is also full of hope. that the light is to be found in a waking reality too, pieces to be brought together. it reminds me of the times when i want to escape, of the worlds that we can slip into and seeing above the petty illusions of the material physical world, but also that that world can be ok, and full of potential. out of body experiences. sometimes we need to fly a little to see from another perspective. look forward to reading more of your work.
Submission Name: Rejecting the light
