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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beatendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Psychohenry32
    ASL Info:    1638/Femail/USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 22/33/24
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 807



    Description:
       It's obviously about an abusive relationship


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeatendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dearest mother
    won't you listen to your daughter?

    Don't assume
    I'm safe up in my room,

    I'm hearded around like cattle
    You think I'm not fighting this battle

    He gave me this pretty ring
    more like a broken wing

    I don't want to be his wife
    if he'll be controling my life

    My family may not care
    And I'll just grin and bare

    All the pushing and shoving
    when all it should be is loving

    Waiting for the next blow
    I beg him not to use the hoe

    All the times I've lied
    I was only trying to hide

    The only thing you can trust
    one day you'll turn to dust.




    Submitted on 2006-03-03 02:15:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This really is a cool write. I like how you used couplets to punch home the strength of emotions in each statement.

    In this one,

    'He gave me this pretty ring
    more like a broken ring'

    I almost wanted to see 'broken thing' here. maybe it's just me.

    There are a few spelling errors here and there, but that's a simple fix.

    I also enjoyed how your imagery started with daughter and ended with dust. A very progressive piece that flowed well.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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