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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: LittleSphinx & InMothersClosetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1472



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "Little Sphinx" and "In Mother's Closet". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittleSphinx & InMothersClosetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Little Sphinx

    Lying in bed
    Reading Ogden Nash.
    Book held high, over
    My little sphinx.

    Rambling rhythms fall from my mouth,
    Broken.
    “I don’t get it.”

    The doves understand well enough,
    And laugh at a double entendre,
    Or maybe they’re laughing at me.

    Rambling rhythms come once again,
    “Ahh – now I see,”
    A little smoother.

    But as tired eyes and tired arms
    Begin to fall,
    I close the book
    And take one last look
    At my little sphinx.

    I close my eyes,
    Listening to the doves
    And the rhythmic purring of

    My little sphinx,
    Sleeping on my lap
    With a little white feather on his nose.



    In Mother's Closet

    My father lives within my mother's closet.
    A protector overlooking his family?
    No -- just relaxing.
    He was pushed onto the far shore and is sitting on a muddy bank,
    Just relaxing and watching the stream flow by.

    Should he be asked, what would his answer be?
    "My only real regret? --
    That I was unable to be old with her."







    Submitted on 2006-03-03 02:45:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have read the second one before and I thought it was very strong. You paint a vivid image here

    He was pushed onto the far shore and is sitting on a muddy bank,
    Just relaxing and watching the stream flow by.

    and the last lines are poignant.
    take care
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, so, uhm, first line of Little Sphinx, kind of makes the "little sphinx" (which I really have no idea what you actually meant by) seem ... euphemistic. Which really makes the rest of the poem seem very special indeed. Rambling rhythms come again, oh my.

    Yeeeah... so that being said, Little Sphinx had the biggest impression on me, but totally not in the way you meant.

    As for In Mother's Closet, something to think about would be if this "makes sense" (i
    , if the reader can figure out that the father is dead and gone) with only the first stanza. Me, I accidentally read part of someone else's comment, and couldn't stop thinking about little sphinxes, so I'll never know.

    Oh, and if by the bizarre off chance that it's not 3:30 in the morning and I did read Little Sphinx correctly, holy [censored], double entendres indeed, and the doves do understand well enough.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]
      Which had the greater impact, good or bad? Hmm. Well, in truth, the second had the greater impact, I think. That is, if I'm understanding it correctly - that father died and his ashes are in mother's closet? If I'm correct in that, then it's very poignant.

    But the first was definitely more fun and I'll probably remember it longer. I have to admit that until I reached the second to last stanza, I was not thinking that your 'little sphinx' was your cat! (And THAT'S why I'll remember it longer than the second!) mae
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love the second one. The first one is great, don't get me wrong. I just fell in love with the second. In the past several years, I have come to the conclusion that loved ones are never really gone. For a long time, I believed that death was the end. There was life and then there was just, blissful nothingness. How can nothingness be blissful? idon't even know. My grandfather died at the age of 45 and I never really knew him. I was only one at the time of his death. But I have pictures from all throught his life, so I can hear stories an look at pictures. There's one picture in paticular that I love. It's of the two of us on the day I was born. He's holding me and has the biggest, goofiest grin on his face. Every time I look at that picture I know that he's still here, he's here in memories. That's all that matters. Thanks for sharing Frank. As usual, it was wonderful reading.
    ~Clover
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the first and second... they're very different topics, so it's hard to pick a "better" one. I loved description of reading to the cat. I also liked the idea of the ashes... of being put in a closet (physically) while the rest of you just sits on a river bank and chilling out... It's impossible to choose.
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]



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