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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We realiseddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dave S Skinner
    Elite Ratio:    3.65 - 15/18/11
    Words: 359
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 260
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1869



    Description:
       This was yet another of the shorts I came up with (like December Moon) while playing the game with my friend whereby we find a mutual starting point, go away and write something to it and then compare work later. Th starting point given was "that’s when we realised things would never be the same…"

    Yes the story should seem familiar to you, especially the English readers.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe realiseddots
    -------------------------------------------


    That’s when we realised things would never be the same… We just stood there, staring across the room at each other. Neither of us could move. The crowd disappeared into the walls. The clocks stopped ticking. We moved closer. I couldn’t speak. Her face filled my mind, pushing old visions aside. The world was spinning faster than ever. My heart pounded in my chest, aching to break free. I couldn’t believe it. Just five minutes before I was down and out, with nothing left to live for, with no one left to fight for. But now my world was filled with colour.

    We kissed.

    Not a word had been spoken. There was nothing we could do. We kissed again. The world sparkled and shone. There was no one alive but us.

    I asked her name.

    My world was shattered. People jumped at me from the dull walls of the room. My beautiful white swan had turned into dark black crow. How could this be? The only person I wanted to love, and I was prevented from loving her. She was called away and I slipped away into the party, afraid of being unmasked. But I went back later and saw her again.

    She told me there was nothing in her name – that it meant nothing to her. I knew my father would not see things the same as her or I.

    Now I am forced to love her in secret – I have been cast away from her side for reasons I cannot justify. I only hope that she does not love me as much as she has told me, for if she does she will be in a place worse than hell. At least that way we would be together. Sometimes I wish I were dead, there is no life without her. I am merely present in a black abyss of misery and pain.

    I have enlisted the help of a friend to try and get us back together. I don’t know how all this is going turn out? I blame my parents, they’ve always been stubborn.




    Submitted on 2006-03-03 15:00:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Romeo and Juliet written with a bit less style than the Bard. LOL These are fun little exercises. Starting with just a short little sentence, it's interesting that you came up with a classic romantic play to rewrite than some more modern thing. Since this is just a short exercise, written more to exert your writing muscles than for correctness, I don't think I should actually critique it other than to say you got the message across. I knew right away what it was. mae
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha, a great, entertaining little story. I sure wasn't ready for the twist in the middle, then I figured it out, as Mae did.

    Very engaging, and good fun to have writing exercises like this.

    Welcome to ES!

    be happy

    Graeme

    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]



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