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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raven Cape Trailingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DiamondTears
    ASL Info:    16/F/Wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 61/97/48
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 141
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1024



    Description:
       I suppose its a little bit of a twist, please dont bash it, I wasent trying very hard, I know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaven Cape Trailingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    His eyes ablaze
    He sweeps away,
    Raven cape trailing,
    A master of illusion,
    Caught in a Tangle of Lies,
    The white glow of the moon,
    Captures his pale skin,
    And for a moment,
    You see him smile,


    He ventures away,
    Raven cape trailing,
    He scowls at the rising sun,
    It burns his skin,
    Delicate and pure,
    He cowers in the shadows,
    Faces pass by,
    Hopeless in a journey.


    His lips pursed,
    And the whites of fangs,
    Call fear to your heart,
    He leans you back,
    His hands ice,
    So your caught,
    In a swirl of emotion;
    Passion,
    Hate,
    Need,
    Catastrophe.


    So you are immortal,
    Side by side,
    You leave the stage,
    The curtains kiss,
    They rise and cry out,
    Its all over,
    Mortals will never know,
    ...This was not fantasy,
    It was the lover’s story.




    Submitted on 2006-03-03 21:02:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very, Interview With a Vampire. This works as a love poem. It's got the passion and sense of danger that makes falling in love exciting. And it shows you put some time in thinking about what you were saying. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by Spare Change | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too bad at all, you've put some work into this, I liked the moon reference in the first stanza followed by the sun reference in the second.

    My major pick is a spelling error that needs attention, he is a master of "illusion" is the correct spelling, as it comes at a crucial stage of the story i feel it needs fixing.

    Nicely done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did pretty good actually. I think your imagery was superb. I think that your flow was very good and easy to follow. You choose the perfect words for each line. And it would come off to me as if you spent all night on this poem, it's just that good. Vampires...that's all always a sure way to draw me in to read. Good job!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]



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