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    dots Submission Name: patiencedots

    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 807
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 436

       i found this as well. its short and i'd like to develope it more, but here it is for now.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    These hands were not a part of
    the shaping of the universe.
    These eyes have never seen
    all the offerings of this Earth.
    I know I’ve yet to be loved,
    and I know this heart can’t love enough.

    These fingers sing the
    verses of a gentle lullabye.
    This elbow is a
    perfect place to rest a sigh.
    I know I’ve still much to learn
    but, oh, this soul can yearn.

    Submitted on 2006-03-03 22:50:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this piece - the emotion and the language worked in harmony to create the atmosphere of longing.

    The only thing is the linebreak in stanza two:
    "This elbow is a
    perfect place to rest a sigh."

    Ending the line on 'a' is rather weak, and would flow better as
    "This elbow is a perfect place
    to rest a sigh."

    remember: the beginnings and ends of lines are the most important, and 'tis better to start a line with a word like a, to, but, and, than to end with one.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by secretpoet | [ Reply to This ]
    After reading this poem I decide to click over to some of your other work and I must say I am a true fan now. Looking at others comments though I must say your work has much misconstrued and underrated. Let’s take this piece for instance, you take us on this uncertain and almost illicit journey and we end up in places that we didn’t quite expect. You capture the reader with the first line because of it’s connection to the title “ The art of running away” by saying you “ know of places that conquer the art.” This is brilliant to me because it is not just one of those “ I want to get away form life…poems that so many young kids your age are writing, it is much more. It is a poem about escaping into theses departures of nature….and you invite the reader to join along. Great job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. Don't be in to big of a hurry for love. I like how it flows together perfectly. Your longing shines through. Full of emotion.
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by vonnie | [ Reply to This ]

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