This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Hours

Author: Fraser
ASL Info:    26
Elite Ratio:    2.43 - 30 /55 /35
Words: 184
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 950
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1039


i was just thinking how time has an affect on you. When someone isnt doing much it can really get you down

The Hours

The hours tick as i sit and stare
Im a man of promise but i rest nowhere
boredome hits and strikes my bones
why dont you leave me be, just leave me alone

i strech my tongue with paper and pen
as the hours keep ticking again and again
the cylinder swings on the clock back and forth
teasing my being teasing my soul

Time wants me to write, time wants me to play
like a bird who pecks on wood all of the day
lift me from this old tired song
let my voice sing all the quarter notes wrong

I guess im stuck till i hit my niche
which is writing or playing tell me which is which
for me playing is writing and to write is to play
i hope thats where my being will rest without delay

soft and comforting is the creative processes i do
the hours tick slower and break away from the leu
my sitting and starring had ceased in its tracks
the longer i compose the more i sit back

Submitted on 2006-03-04 10:00:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  It was a rather nice poem, flowing and able to keep the attention. I enjoyed it.
However, there are a few typos (mis-spellings and lack of commas).
But I am not going to sit here and point them out as they may have been intentional for all I know.
Great work, keep it up!
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Jodans | [ Reply to This ]
  i loved it..the flow was great, it sorta drew me in..the content of this poem was really good..but i liked most was your wording and rhyme, its was like WOW, it kept me entertained and made me want to read awsome piece!..keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?