Hearts bled so within city walls
In flames of hell from where they stood so tall
To flow in streams from southbound streets
Ugly, real and mean, the cut is clean
Broken bones burst forth from the skin
The pain bites again and again
Wounds take the life of modern man
His heart, his mind, his plan
The heart is a dwelling place, an open invitation
It leads to the mind, and evil contemplation
Fallen angels, forgotten strangers rule the will
They rape and destroy the land we till
It’s hard to distinguish what is real
A solar eclipse to blot out the sun
Is this the end, or are we far from done?
The tides rise and wash away the innocent
Swept away but the spirit remains
Untied and free beyond this disease
Calling out from the ground below our feet
| I have an interest to hear about your life, through your words. The best way I can describe this write and what could be Beethoven's 5th in terms of personal achievement is that this is written from a detached, helicopter perspective. Helicopters generally go up, down, forward or hover. Turning is a dangerous enterprise and loop-de-loops are out of the question. You keep yourself in a structure that strangles your own voice. |
I think everyone has a period of helicopter writing. You feel everything, but (to use my own experience as an example) to be specific and raw about it you feel will not be cathartic but catastrophic. Until the first time someone says to you after reading You, the real you, "Merde, I feel you". And you're not alone. And your journey is one that you started out feeling as if that cliff was one you wouldn't brave but the free fall is spectacular. and there's an Ikran waiting to catch you and be one with you.
Tell me what day it is, how one hand is inexplicably pinker than the other as you type these words, where it hurts and why and show me how your pain is unique and universal, all at the same time.
You, underneath it all, are really lovely. Do write your own brand of lovely.
|| Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ] || Brillant just brillant!||| Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by BellaxMuerte | [ Reply to This ] || You...my friend...|
i must say wow...
your words...tase like candy
its o so sweet
and ill want more
|| Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Spazxx | [ Reply to This ] || It's been a while since I've read anything of yours, so I was very pleased to see one I hadn't read yet. I must say I wasn't disappointed. This is a georgeous combination of powerful words and inescapable rythm. Please don't stop here.|
|| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by The Conqueror | [ Reply to This ] || as i read this it made me feel how most people must feel about the world we live in....its corruption ....its greed......its selfish ways.....and the frustration of that word we all use WHY!!!!!! why does it have to be this way , ya know....|
i loved your use of words eg...the heart is a dwelling place an open invitation it leads to the mind and evil contemplation....
i really like your style and your imagery i love it....
|| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ] || This poem reminds me of war on a bloody battlefield. Comrades are being destroyed on every side. One is torn from the bullet wound, but knows in order to survive he must press on. Finding fellow wounded soldiers they perform a chain of strength and with determination make it safety to their destination.|
I'm probably way off base here, but this is where my mind wondered while reading this.
A very good write indeed!!
|| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ] || I loved this! It had awesome imagery throughout the poem. All of ur lines had such depth; I had to think a while :P This line kind of confused me though: They rape and destroy the land we till|
what confused me waqs the "we till" part.
I thought it had good rythm. I thought all the comas added to the poem because they made you stop and that aded to the poem. Great job!
|| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ] || Bravo S. Martin S. Allen !|
This to me was very intricate with meaning and symbolism and I actually found a few ways that I liked to interpret "IT" - the title, Bled So - could be a reference to Christ but to me more so - the symbol of the lifeblood of existence in the mundane & what we are really here for - the social, government and religious injustice and the tendency to blame it on God and the devil - but what is real & divine is what spirits us truly.
I really enjoyed this piece from you & am glad to see you posting
love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
|| Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || i liked it..the flow could use just a bit of work, you should just a bit of commas in the beginning to make the flow better..but besides that the peom was flawless, i love your wording!..keep up the great work! |
|| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ] |