Scars by insphered soul

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Submission Name: Scars dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	17/M/Bacon Sandwich
Elite Ratio:	6.57 - 450/374/89
Words:	106

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	196
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	756

Description:
Many people feel that tauntings and being made fun of is hell.......and it can be to some.

Scars

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Days are passing by,
memories cloud him;
judgment becomes foggy;
actions become slowed.

All the pain from his past;
seems to catch him all at once,
tauntings of childhood moments;
brings back the scars of it all.

Now, a grown man
he sits there again,
in that same spot
where the ridicule began

Believing it will help him
to overcome his fears
he confronts his torturers,
in a final confrontation

'Stand up for what you believe will help you'

These are the last thoughts
to travel through his mind,
as the final mental punch
destroy's his entire being.

Submitted on 2006-03-04 13:54:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  'Stand up for what you believe will help you'

i think that supposed to say "standING" or "...believe, it will..."

that is all

this poem seems to toggle between moods...its kinda strange

+Moz+
| Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  Hm..I guess this piece is really true..being young sucks, it only makes scars and dead end memories for the future..and I what I really hate is when, memories just rush to you, and you can't escape them, haunting you all day..then they leave and everything is okay, for a while again. This is sorta why I don't make fun of people, I make fun of myself, cuz its not very hard,lol. But yeah I know how much it hurts peoples feelings really badly..kinda sad actually..In the last stanza "destroys" need no apostrophe, Thats only when something belongs to someone, But I guess you already knew that, I'm just bored so I wanna write,lol. Anywho, I think this is a poem that a lot of people can relate to. I must say after I read it, I immediately checked how old you were, to see if these was a true poem, but your 14, so your still kinda young, the scars are still forming..sadly..Anywho great work!! Keep it up!! and Take Care!!

Lucy
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
  This wasn't what I was expecting, you know what I really want you to try, you don't have to but I'd love to see how well you do at writing a more morbid write, I think you'd be pretty damn good. I'm not so sure how I feel about this write, it was dramatic and the punctuation and format definatly added to that melodrama, and yea nobody likes getting picked on but unless it gets way too consistant or way to personal, it isn't that huge of a deal, especially cause usually people who are picked on are different enough to not care what other people think to begin with. It is true though, going back to where you were ridiculed and thinking back to that time isn't too fun. overall good write, I didn't get too into it but it was pretty well written none the less.
much love,
~*baby bat*~
| Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]

Hello Zach,

the first two line are ok I think you need a period or a semi-colon after him; also it is judgment. The “become” repeat doesn’t sound right perhaps an “are” on the fourth line. As for punctuation (optional in some cases) I would leave L1 as is, L2 as said before either a period or semi-colon, L3 semi colon, and L4 a period.

on the second stanza I would change “the tauntings of his childhood” to “taunting moments of his childhood. Often these events hit us later in life, sometimes to the extent of overwhelming a person; it is grievous when old wounds resurface. punctuation: L1 semi-colon, L2 seems ok, L3 semi colon, L4 period.

the third stanza, it is strange how the past haunts us even in the latter years when we think we are over it, the subconscious never forgets. Punctuation: L1semi colon, L2 semi colon, L3 semi colon and L4 period.

I like the confrontation that seems to be dramatic. Sometimes we have to face our fears even we are every to break out of these cycles. Punctuation: L1 thru L3 all seem to be better with a semi colon, but many of those times you can put a comma in instead of a semi colon. L4 I would use a set of ellipses “…”

That single line seems to be fragmented. Perhaps “stand up for what you believe, that will help you”

The last stanza the closing does sound a little frightening to ponder. Punctuation: L1 semi colon, L2 seems ok, L3 semi colon L4 line four can be a period or a set of ellipses.

I think you need some work on these images to bring them to life a little better perhaps some deeper language, take my suggestions and corrections if you want to, nicely done Zach,
~mike
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  ...does he commit suicide in the end? is that what you were trying to get at??

i thought you did a good job on this piece. its true...when you are young and growing up all you ever want to do is fit in and make friends. and if you are chosen for a target of bullying or what not it really sucks. its really hard. because your so fragile when you are young you start to believe everything some one is saying to you. whether it be you're worthless or fat or ugly or stupid or whatever. and it really hurts. and then you start to think the same things about yourself. you dont feel good enough. and you self esteem takes a plunge for the worse. and it just makes everything so much harder. and its so true...those thoughts and experiences stick with your throughout your life. some people can handle them better but sometimes its too much for people. ...i've dealt with this when i was younger. it didnt help that i had an older brother whom i looked up to a great deal and he always bashed me infront of his friends and they made fun of me too. so i thought since they all thought these things about me it must be true. and it has taken its toll and its not anything fun to deal with.

anyways...this poem is very true...i liked it a lot.
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
  I assume you’re talking about George W. (lol)
Let's see: “destroys his entire being”? (There should be no apostrophe.) That seems an unrealistic summation. Do you mean merely that he is overcome with an emotion? Do you mean he dies – perhaps a bit to literal – physically? Or that he has a nervous breakdown. And why would these occur after he was a grown man? I’m not asserting the impossiblity of such things, but you haven’t shown which, nor made them believable. Another fault is the repetition of confront / confrontation in S4.
In summary, I would say the situation is real enough, especially for middle and high schoolers, yet the poem doesn’t seem convincing through its words alone.
fred
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm..I don't quite know what to say about this one. It's pretty good..Let's see..Some suggestions? You used "taunting" in the poem twice. (Try not to do that) Perhaps 'ridicule' or 'bitter words' could do. Oh, and the one line could be "Standing up forwhat you believe in will help you"
Wait, you asked for thoughts...Alright, well I think it's okay. It doesn't really explain any of the taunting (what they did to him) or anything. I do understand his situation, though. I've been through that, but I've learned to laugh at myself (laughter is just something that got me out of depression). So, I admit you can elaborate more on what's been done/said to him. Maybe there's a reason why something would make him crack when it started up again.
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]
  I would say the hero of that poem was either weak willed, or the scar was realy big. I myself was joked at by 90% of the school, which I did not enjoy. It went on like that for about, whole Primary school + Middle School. But I do sense some strange irony that when the people see my now 2nd High School they stay silent and don't say a thing. I can't figure out why, all that taunting gone. I imagine myself a bit in this poem. If suddenly everybody started over again with those names (which I will not say out loud) I would be a complete wreck.

Anyway, bad times gone, and the big difference between those times and these times is that then I did not know one word: Diplomacy.

Great poem, I realy opened up there (I was just about to write my bio here when I realised it would be slightly too much). Good write!

WriterX
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by WriterX | [ Reply to This ]

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