ghosts by lost.within.you

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Submission Name: ghosts dots

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Author:	lost.within.you
Elite Ratio:	3.12 - 31/21/4
Words:	85

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	202
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	419

Description:
its just something I was kind of in the mood for.. so go at it

ghosts

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He stands there like a statue within the shad of the autum day as strong and cold as I remeber him
Lost within the fire of his eyes I forget that I'm no longer with him
All I see is raven colored hair and a sea of blue within him, a tall thinly shaped ghost from my past
why now I'm not sure
when i look closer I see the red ample lips of my past
so sweet and yet deadly

Submitted on 2006-03-04 16:08:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i really like this peice. its so mornfull . i think the language is simple but really beautifull. but there was just one thing i didnt understand, when u said:when i look closer I see the red ample lips of my past
so sweet and yet deadly , why deadly? otherwise great poem , keep it up! :)
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by elva | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this! It was simple at first but the last four lines have a lot of imagery . I loved the last line: so sweet and yet deadly
I think it means that the time u spent with him was great but it causes u such pain?
| Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]
  space it out maybe? my eyes werent used to reading stuff like that...lol i write the same way in paragraphs..the poem was pretty cool
i dont really get the part about stoung and cold thoe...
Creativity 8/10
orginality 9/10
peronality 9/10
over all feeling 9/10
cool words...10/10 (just from this im gonna write about a raven of death )
over all 8/10
| Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your use of well written simile throughout this thoughtful piece of free verse. The line: "when i look closer I see the red ample lips of my past so sweet and yet deadly" spoke to me on several levels and touched me. I believe it's the vidal task of a poet to look more closely and to really see the world about us.
| Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by lookhomeward | [ Reply to This ]

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