Description: found this in a notebook. something i wrote on the last bus home when rather drunk one time. i love finding drunken scribles they are so much funnier then the depressing sober ones......
.....wanna dance?
we will dance -------------------------------------------
And we will dance
And we will dance
And we will dance
Until the fire in our eyes spreads up out sweaty foreheads onto our messy hair and we burn
And we will burn
And we will burn
And we will burn
Until piles of ash are left of our bodies and our souls like the sparks of our great blaze are floating up
And we will float
And we will float
And we will float
Until the sparks fade and fall and the ashes cool and slow away but we will go on
And we will go on
And we will go on
And we will go on
Until the earth the sun and all the stars are dust in space and specks in time we will go on
And we will go on
And we will go on
And we will go on
Until we are just 2 specks of nothing in the ruins of what once was then we will dance
And we will dance
And we will dance
And we will dance
And we will
We will
We will
Dance again.
My first impressions ponder on mere ramblings hoping to nail something essential, and that could be accurate, but really, all it needs are few tweaks and this could speak well for that juvinile sense of hopelessness that one can only find if one thinks he's got life figured out in his adolescent years.
But time, I think, time will be a necessary aspect to appreciate it.
the poem itself isn't that bad, surprisingly. prejudgments can be hindering. the way it's writen, at the first glance induces eyesore and enhanced carpal tunnel syndrome. i used to write "poetry" while drunk, back when i used to drink.. it dawned on me, how sh.itty it acually was when in my right mind... anyway.. what ever floats your boat, man. later.
Wow, other than the 'echoes' that's surprisingly good, considering that you wrote it while you were drunk. I don't like drinking, personally, maybe it's my age? It's not as funny as I was expecting, but it's not too serious. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for serious poetry, so I suppose reading this was a good thing.
i liked this...with the repetition it almost seems more like a song rather than a poem though.
i dont find it surprising you were drunk when you wrote this...believe it or not...when i am under the influence i am inspired in a different way. but inspired none-the-less. i like this piece...it seems lighthearted and fun but also has a sort of dark message to it or an eerie undertone or what ever. with all the talk of ruins and ashes and specks of nothing and sparks fading. but it gives a sense of hope "we will go on" and "we will dance" gives it a lighter more hopefull optimistic view...i like the contrast of the two you've used, the optimisim and the sadder aspects. i thought they worked well together.
Very funny. I've never been under the influence of alcohol, but I used to speak without thinking, and the weirdest sentences would come out, but they would all make sense.. in the strangest way. I guess it's more like thinking outside the box and burning the guidelines. There's a certain truth to those nonsensical outbursts, because it comes to us.
What I especially like about your piece is that it has two tones that mesh together, and it's starkly different from the other things I've read so far (maybe it's the insane repetition). LoL. Thanks for sharing!
Submission Name: we will dance
I've never been under the influence of alcohol, but I used to speak without thinking, and the weirdest sentences would come out, but they would all make sense.. in the strangest way. I guess it's more like thinking outside the box and burning the guidelines. There's a certain truth to those nonsensical outbursts, because it comes to us.