Description: i was bored and threw this together... Write what u like, tell me what you think
my prison -------------------------------------------
I don't understand why I can't seem to look beyond the confines of your eyes
the prison that you have kept me in for so long still hold strong
Your arms my bars
Your voice the echoes in the coridoors of my brain
Your lips the chains and "I love you" the keys that keep me bound
I can't seem to escape from you
You keep me here
forever locked away
thats a great metifor is it called? idk but like i love the way u descirbed that his arms are like bars holding u in...some places like that need one or 2 more words like what i said "holding me in" and then it will be perfect
I love this poem! I agree with Elva and PinkFairy, the fact that it is so short totally works for this poem! Most poems sound very dull and lacking when they are so short but in this poem it compliments the deepness of the poem. The only thing wrong with the poem may be the whole bound/bond thing in the sixth line. Keep writing! ^-^ -Jess
I love the way you embraced your feelings in this work of free verse. Your vivid use of feelings and imagination made this piece truely come alive and it touched me deeply, taking be back to the memories of my youth. Your content is wonderful! I wouldn't change a word of it. The only thing I can think of is, you might want to use comas to make your sentences shorter and arange this piece in 4 line segments to give the words more rythm and flow. These are just suggestions and not meant as criticisms in any way. I still love it just like it is. Your friend in pen, TK
god i love this. ur poems are so short yet so strong! it flows well and it holds a lot of feeling lol :) nice poem. thnx 4 ur comment on my poem - she calls
Deep. Loved it. It's so short and strong. I can't chose my favorite lines because they are all soo good. i do like when you compare things about him to a prison. Great imagination. I do think you meant "bound" instead of "bond" in the sixth line. I enjoyed reading this. PinkFairy
Submission Name: my prison
