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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nique
    ASL Info:    14/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 46/40/21
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 478



    Description:
       Can you relate? Is It good or Bad?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm not sure how to tell you
    But I'm sure that I love you
    I know you were made for me

    But you've hurt me
    And you've scorned me
    And I'm tired of playing the same key

    You've wasted my time
    And I'm out of my mind
    To think you could ever love me

    I'm tired of this lie
    Love is all my heart can supply
    But it's up to you
    To take it




    Submitted on 2006-03-04 19:13:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it the way it is because love is really never done or complete and that is what your speaking about and also i like how you open your self up and also told how you got hurt simple honest and to the point
    dd
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Darcey D | [ Reply to This ]
      Potential, is the key word here. this can be better. But after reading this i was left feeling nothing. The beginning pulled a little at my heart strings. But the end cut short, it felt as though you were just writing to write. Work on it though.
    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm..Doesn't seem too serious, but of course, love IS serious. Details:
    "I'm not sure how to tell you
    But I'm sure that I love you
    I know you were made for me"
    __the words 'you' and 'sure' are too close together. Sounds a bit repetitive. Possibly saying:
    'I'm not sure how to explain my thoughts,
    Thinking that you were made for me
    Because I know I love you.'

    But you've hurt me
    And you've scorned me
    And I'm tired of playing the same key
    __I like this stanza. Simple; to the point.

    "You've wasted my time
    And I'm out of my mind
    To think you could ever love me"
    __explain why he's wasted your time, maybe?

    I'm tired of this lie
    Love is all my heart can supply
    But it's up to you
    To take it
    __I think you could combine the last 2 lines together, cause it seems awkward having a 4-line stanza while the rest are three lines.

    BTW: are you reading at the poetry slam next week?
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]


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