Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Echoes of a Screaming Souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indelible_ink
    ASL Info:    20/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 143/109/25
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 1193
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1708



    Description:
       Okay, it took me a while to write this. I kept on getting writers block. I hope everyone gets the meaning of it! thanks for all comments!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEchoes of a Screaming Souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Iíll simply go insane by the echo in my mind
    The echo of my soul screaming from time to time

    Who am I? I ask as I watch the glowing crescent
    Sail across the skyís seas, brilliantly iridescent
    Tears of my eyes shine in this gloryís aura
    Who am I against this that I stare for a
    Minute of fading time? A slow nightly beat
    The stars patterned in the sky, lull the world to sleep

    Waves in their rhythmic tune, synchronized with time
    Iíll wish to be so steady in lifeís graceful lines
    As the surety of the clockís hands to their destination
    Iíd wish to be so sure of the road of my fate and
    To be so sure of this figure standing in my reflection
    Frozen in the sands of time, a reality of perfection

    Strain my ears to the mysterious windís mournful howling
    Knowing the pain of invisibility, Iíll scream with it loudly
    At the edge of the cliff no longer fearing deathís gravitation
    Death got bored of me leaving me to my dark imagination
    Coiled around the complexities of my own existence
    Staring through my soulís windows in an eerie distance

    Though I know not who I am, and the path my feet will go
    I close my eyes and pretend to form a presence in the snow
    Imagining the blissful presence in its snow white purity
    And the thought of such innocence being so near to me
    Iíll watch as my hot tears melt my imagined friend away
    For my mind cannot comprehend seeing that day

    I know Iíll simply go insane from the echoes in my mind
    The echoes of my soul screaming from time to time




    Submitted on 2006-03-04 19:32:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A nice surprise!

    I very much enjoy this...the first two lines hooked me.

    'the echo of my soul screaming' was lifted from the ordinary with the addition of 'from time to time.'

    the second stanza, was packed with tension and thought provoking intracacies of wording and of layering down from the everyday reality into a sort of philosophy. I might have worded it thus:

    Who am I, against this? strikes me.
    For a full minute stare into the slow nightly beat of fading time The stars patterned in the sky, the world lulled to sleep.

    If you are not insulted with my re-arranging,,,I'll continue.

    Waves in their rhythmic tune, synchronize with time.
    I wish to be as steady, keeping in lifeís graceful lines
    As the clockís hands steadily move with surety to their destination
    I wish such sureness on the road of my fate
    and to be as sure of this figure standing in my reflection.
    Frozen in the sands of time, a sure reality of perfection

    Strain my ears to decipher the mysterious windís mournful howling
    Knowing the pain of invisibility, Iíll scream with it loudly.
    At the edge of the cliff, no longer fearing deathís swift gravitation
    Death got sorely bored just leaving me to my dark imagination
    Coiled slyly around the complexities of my own existence
    Staring eerily through my soulís windows,
    limiting the safe distance I sought.

    Though I know not who I am, nor the path my feet will go
    I close my eyes and pretend to form a presence in the snow
    Imagining a blissful presence in its snow white purity
    And the thought of such innocence being so near to me forces my open hopefully seeking,
    I watch as my hot tears melt my imagined friend faint form away


    I know Iíll simply go insane from the echoes in my mind
    The echoes of my soul screaming, from time to time.

    I think your poem is fantastic, and I understand that feeling of willing positive thoughts and trying to believe prayers are heard, not quite believing that the Universe (or God) will bring you wehat you clearly ask for...looking is not needed...

    with respect,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      that should read: Force my eyes to open, hopefully seeking.

    re reading I may have tried to cram in too many "sures" and sibilance..s words shaken in profusion's sudden largesse seem somehow an overage of esses. (lol)
    sorry steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93781

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry