Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Julie Who?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BloodxDrinker
    Elite Ratio:    1.68 - 1/4/4
    Words: 1649
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 1414
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 8764



    Description:
       I wrote this last semester for my creative writing class, i submited it to the anual lit fest. it is long, im sorry, but i like. tell me what you think. if you want to tell me what i should have done diffrently, go for it, just don't be too harsh, remember im still a newbee


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJulie Who?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    This was going to be his day. He had laid out his clothes last night so he knew he couldn’t go wrong. Everyday since he spotted Julie Underwood he has been at his best, not trying to look stupid with all his buddies.
    “Dude, Max what’s with the shirt. Looking a little out of line man.” Billy said as he scrunched his body in a kung fu kick motion. “And man you might wan to xyz. your cage latch is open and I don’t think you want to let out the beast just yet!”
    Max started to blush and fixed his shirt and zipper. Curiously looking up to make sure Julie wasn’t around to see his Dr. Seuss boxers. “Oh sorry Billy. I was in a rush this morning.”
    “You got up late again! Dude come on what are we going to do with you. Your mom is probably getting mad now. This is like the third time this week, and it’s only Thursday!” Billy said with a grown.
    “Yeah if I keep this up she is going to take me from football practice next week.” Max started to slouch at this point.
    “Ah come on your like the best wide receiver we’ve had in like five years.” Billy said with a pout. “coach wont be happy about this one, Max!”
    The bell rang and a rush of kids moved from the cafeteria and into the hallways like a wave. Shortest in the front and tallest in the back. Billy was gone before Max could tell him bye. Max walked alone to his first hour class. Looking all around him that corn yellow hair that he adored with every bit of his body.
    “Hey Max! How are you today?” Said Megan.
    The sweetest voice rushed into Max’s wars. He felt like he was floating on cloud nine. “Oh, Hey. I didn’t see you there.” in his disappointment Max drooped even further to the ground. “I’m fine. How about yourself?”
    “Doing fine.” She suddenly looked sad. “I have been struggling with this one guy I like.”
    “Oh really, who is this guy that you like?” Max rapidly raised his head to the height it was originally suppose to be. “Do I know him?”
    “I think you do. Every well in fact.” She looked at anything that wasn’t him. “Well hey, the bell is going to ring in like two seconds. I have to go or I’m going to be late.”
    “Yeah. Okay fine.” Max really wanted to know who this mystery man was.
    He never could talk to anyone better than Megan. Not even his guy friends. They never really understood like she did. They were the best of friends when it came to stuff like this. He came to her for advice and she only came to him when it came down to that point too.
    Max finally wasn’t late for anything. He walked smoothly into his first hour math and sat at his seat. He started to look around the room trying to see if Julie was there at the front of the room with her usual girl friends. Instead all he could find were these little freshman’s starring at him like they had just seen the trukey come out of the oven. Max smiled and that made then all look away. Seconds before the bell, Eddie walked in the door, and rushed to his seat.
    “Hey Max. what’s going on?” Eddie was the little lump of a boy. Not too fat but still on that side of the scale. His hair was never tidy, and he really didn’t have the clothes to match it either. He wore very nice clothes. They were always perfectly pressed and ironed. Never a wrinkle in site.
    “I’m good.” Said Max as he looked at the girls at the front of the room. “They wont stop staring at me.”
    “Well it’s hard not to man. You’re the hottest to them right now.” Eddie said in a matter of fact tone. “Don’t you remember when we couldn’t stop starring at that Julie Underwood last year. She probably thought we were mad.”
    “Ha ha yeah! Your probably right.” Max looked away and looked like he had tasted a sour patch kid for the first time.
    “I wonder why I ever stopped looking at her? She is so pretty.” Eddie put his hand on his head and started to scratch.
    “Dude, Eddie you can’t have forgotten about Sabrina!” Max was getting irritated at this point. “You two have been dating for at least half a year by now!”
    “Okay, okay. You know, you and Megan seem to be talking a lot lately.” Eddie leaned down to get his math notes out, but still kept his eyes on Max to see his reaction.
    Max tied not to look obvious. “Yeah so what aobut it. We always talk. You know that.” He turned his head to the board to copy notes down. “Why? Does it look like we are..um?”
    Eddie cut him off as quick as he could. “DATING!” The class looked to the back of the room straight to their direction.
    After math Max left as fast as he could to avoid the girls. Max had some time to think in his study hall. On his way there he spotted Julie. She smile and waved, but Max on the other hand quickly turned his head and acted like he didn’t see her. After that morning was over he went to lunch. He sat with the usual, Billy, Eddie, Sabrina, and Megan. Nothing really changed from their usual chatter. Billy put salt in his eye today and Sabrina squirted Dr. Pepper out of her nose and onto Eddie’s blue and green palm tree shirt. Something out of the ordinary happened though. Julie had come to the table. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
    “Yeah sure!” Billy said like he was the prize of the day.
    “NO, not you! I meant Max.” She looked at Max the whole time. Never once looking to glare at Billy. “I heard that you have had your eye on me lately.”
    “where would you hear this>“ Max tired to not sound so interested, like he had other things on his mind.
    “that doesn’t matter right now.” She glared at him. She was playing cat and mouse, and he was the mouse. “I guess I have had my on you too.”
    “Oh really.” Max still tried not to sound so interested, but some how slipping a bit out.
    “Yeah. I was wondering if you would go to the fall ball with me next week. It is ladies choice, and your first on my list.” She didn’t take her eyes off of him. She wanted to make sure he was listening to her every word.
    Max looked over at the other even of the table where Megan was sitting. “Well I don’t know. Will you let me think about it?” Playing hard to get.
    “Fine. I will give you till next Wednesday.” She quickly turned her head to make her hair move with her motion, and walked away as fast as she could while still looking elegant.
    After lunch Max invited Megan to his football practice after school, and then to the ice cream shop after that. While they were at the shop they didn’t talk much. Megan couldn’t looking at Max.
    “So what are you going to say to Julie?” Said Megan as she looked at the ice cream in front of her.
    “Well I don’t really know. I have been thinking.” Max started at her.
    “Oh no! The big football star is thinking! We will never win now!” She clapped her hands on her cheeks and started to joke as a line of defense. They shared a laugh or two at this one.
    “I don’t know if I really like her, you know?” He looked down at his ice cream. “I might like someone else now!”
    “Who?!” She didn’t want to sound too interested but she failed.
    “Well I gave it a lot of thought you know, and well, I guess, I like, um, well..,” He paused to see the expression on her face, but her phone started to ring.
    “I’m sorry! Hold on just one minute?” She went to the bathroom and answered her call. Max started to look at the photos one walls.
    He noticed one that was of a little girl and boy. They were sharing a milk shake and they each had their own straws, standing on the booth cushions to drink at the same time. Max had gotten up and went to the bar to get a chocolate milk shake with two straws. He went back to his and Megan’s booth and threw away the old ice cream cups, and set the mild shake in the middle of the table.
    Megan came back and sat down in her seat and was clueless of what Max had done. She started to smile and she knew what he was thinking. They both started to drink out of the glass. Max started to blow bubbles that popped when they hit Megan’s nose. Max stopped drinking and looked at her with a smile on his face.
    “Will you go to the fall ball with me?” He said as she was till drinking.
    Megan stopped drinking and looked at him for a moment. “I thought it was Ladies Choice!?”
    “I don’t care I want to go with you!” Max smiled and started to swirl the wiped cream into the milk shake.
    “Yes! I would love to. But what about Julie?” Megan seemed surprise at this point.
    “I told you I didn’t think that I liked her all that much.” Max smiled, then toke her hand and they both walked to the cashier to pay, and then they were out the door and on to a bigger and better relationship.




    Submitted on 2006-03-04 19:43:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good short story, reminds me of a story I would read then have to answer questions about on a reading test. Once I read them I usually never think about them again, not that it was a bad story...it just wasnt fascinating or anything. Your going to have to proofread this and correct many spelling errors and some small grammar problems. Other than that...it wasnt a bad story...but it wasnt super awesome either. It is very different in quality from your dark, sinister poem about the Grim Reaper...maybe your just a dark writer? Thats kinda how I am...good luck
    Andrew Fumagalli
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by AFumagalli | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93782

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry