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The Bad News


Author: Trifecta
ASL Info:    14.male.Somewhere
Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 32 /34 /28
Words: 165
Class/Type: Lyrics /Depressed
Total Views: 995
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1053



Description:


A pessimistic "wow, I suck" song.


The Bad News



I'm living in a fantasy
I'm a stranger to reality
I can try as hard as I want
But I do not exist

I'm disconnected
I'm out of touch
I'm reconnected
Yet, hard to feel
Hard to be with
And very hard to control
I'm just flat out difficult

I'm living in a fantasy
I'm a stranger to reality
I can try as hard as I want
But I do not exist

Try as hard as you want
It's not possible to stand by me
I'm not very reliable
And can never keep my word
I no longer believe
That someone could ever be with me
And it's really easy to find

I'm living in a fantasy
I'm a stranger to reality
I can try as hard as I want
But I do not exist

I'm living in a fantasy
I'm a stranger to reality
I can try as hard as I want
But I do not exist

Go...




Submitted on 2006-03-05 00:03:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  As lyrics this is surely a good piece. Howevere, I would suggest you don't try to use the word "I'm" that often. It's alright in the refrain, because it could be kind of a brandmark for it. However, you have to show that the middelbit has nithin to do with the refrein, and when you begin the stanza with "I'm" it seems to be still a part of the refrain.

I am a bit confused by the message of the text, and I can not entirely relate the title to it.
I do like the combination of the word, though.
Keep up the good work.
AZ
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Yara Lorinda | [ Reply to This ]
  Tri, I actually liked this one better than the "Good News". I agree with Yara that your overuse of "I'm" hurts the message. It doesn't have to be a complex message to be good, but it needs to speak to the person listening. I'm afraid the listener will lose interest because of so much repetition in your message. Record it and give it to some people that you don't know and ask them to tell you what they think. People that know you will lie.
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Daokao | [ Reply to This ]


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