and its in your eyes where i can fall asleep
and its in your eyes where its so hard to not weep
because in your eyes i finally feel free
its in your eyes where i feel like im being me
you have broughten me to higher places where i have never been before
and its in your eyes where i love you more and more
and when you got me staring its so hard not to pull away
because its in your eyes that i love you more each day
its in your heart where you keep me safe inside
its in your heart where you never have to let me hide
because in your heart i never want to leave
its in your heart where i finally feel free
you have taken me fully and i never want to be replaced
its in your heart where i will never disapear from that place
and its only in your heart where i will stay
cause its in your heart where i feel loved each day
and its in your arms where i feel safe and warm
its in your arms that keeps me from harm
because in your arms i feel protected and loved
its in your arms where i have discovered all the above
and when your holding me i just never want you to ever let me go
because its in your arms where i feel like i can show ....everything
its in your arms where i feel comfort
and in only your arms i feel like i would never be hurt
and its in your voice that keeps me under control
its in your voice that fills that empty whole
because in your voice i can tell whether or not your okay
and its in your voice that keeps me alive everyday
its in your voice that tells me you love me
and its in your voice that makes me believe
and i never will stop believing if i still can listen to your voice
its in your touch that sends chills up my spine
its in your touch that makes me love how your mine
and its in your touch that always gives me the chills
because its in your touch where all my feelings spill
and in your touch i never want it to go away
because in your touch i love you more each day
and its just in your touch that makes me pray
pray youll stay together with me
its in your lips where mine meet yours
its in your lips where i start to love you more
and its in your lips where i just dont want to pull away
because its in your lips where i love to always stay placed
its in your lips where i love to feel your kiss
its in your lips where i will always miss
and its in your lips that keeps my eyes closed
its in your lips that my memories enclose
while your lips enclose a kiss
my memories behold
and its in your comfort that keeps me full of hope
its in your comfort that makes me write those notes
because in your comfort its my safety zone
its in your comfort that are love has fully grown
and its your comfort that makes me feel okay
and since i have your comfort i have loved you more each day
its in your love where i feel so alive
and its in your love where i cannot deny
and its your love that has granted my every wish
to be with someone who really cares
and your love has done that for me
Some interests are better left alone, but not thos interests who will cover your heart with joy.Are we that desperate to still feel the unfealt feeling?
First of all, Welcome to Eliteskills. I thought the basic idea of your poem wasn't that bad. Maybe if you could shorten this and try to combine your thoughts into one, this would be a great read. The pattern of saying "its" and "because" again and again is very tedious. Try writing this piece differently. Some of your phrases don't really make sense. For example:
and its in your eyes where its so hard to not weep
Shouldn't it be "And it's in your eyes where it's so hard not to weep"? I don't really understand what your exactly trying to say here.
To be honest, using "it's" and "because" over and over again will drag your words down. Your rhyming as well doesn't run smoothly. Sometimes it seems forced and that basically destroys the purpose of your piece. This piece seems very personal and I usually just give out comments on the format. Keep your ideas, they are great , but use different words and start each phrase differently. I could give you examples on how you could re-write this but I might change you ideas slightly. Sorry if my comments seem so negative but you have a good start here. You just need to organize your thoughts and use various types of words to replace some you have written. Good luck and take care.
Submission Name: *In Your*
