Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Suicide Kingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Podenco del infierno
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 205/195/38
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 773
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900



    Description:
       Just another thing i came up with...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuicide Kingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Upon my bed,
    I sit looking upon my faithful slaves;
    My hands,
    Bloodstained and cold.
    The grasp of the knife
    And embrace of the gun.
    The sting in my wrists,
    Drenched in blood,
    So dark and cold.
    I sit alone,
    Breathing through a dark tunnel,
    Waiting to taste the pleasure of death.

    The king i am,
    Of the darkness.
    My reign will rule forever
    Until death do you part,
    Hypodermic needle filled with air,
    Enter my veins
    And breathe into my heart.
    Choke...
    Bottle of pills by my side,
    Ease the pain and set me free.
    To rule over death forever,
    I am the king.
    I am the knife at your wrists,
    The gun in your mouth.
    I am the vein filled with nothing.
    I am the overdose of pain relief.
    I am the Suicide King.




    Submitted on 2006-03-05 09:23:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ahh..another great write! It's sumwhat intoxicating, it drawed me in like a whirpool, lol. You make death sound like another adventure about to unfold, very persuasive. And the wording is good, i mean, not only do you say exactly what is going to happen and how it's going to happen, but it's HOW you put it down on the paper that makes it so creative. Here's my fave parts:

    The king i am,
    Of the darkness.
    My reign will rule forever
    Until death do you part,
    Hypodermic needle filled with air,
    Enter my veins
    And breathe into my heart.
    Choke...

    Ahh...so creative!! and here's this one too....

    I sit alone,
    Breathing through a dark tunnel,
    Waiting to taste the pleasure of death.

    Now, this last one here, saying how you are waiting to taste the pleasure of death...Very interesting, it seems most of us has been at that very spot, that moment in time where they are just waiting for it. It just really caught my eye as you can tell! lol. The rhythm in this piece is short and sweet yet smooth, but IN A GOOD WAY! It goes with the mood...very captivating...And the ending is right there and goes very good with the title obviously :) Great piece. Keep it up, cuz ur a great poet!

    ~Kim~
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Reading this saddens and scares me to no end. I tire of the constant bombardment of this draconian blackness. It is difficult to see light with all the mass media spewing garbage which I am afraid negatively effects talented youthful minds like yours into creating vile thoughts like this writing. I fear for your well-being when you create writings like this. What is driving you to write these things. You must be hurting very deeply inside to produce this. If only you would move this energy towards writing things that people can appreciate and enjoy. The only one benefiting by this rubbish is the unholy. You have been given a real talent, I hope you can find a way to but it to better use. I am sorry...but your piece although pretty well written goes against my grain. I don't know anything about you except that you are 16 and live in Ohio. I wish you only good thoughts from now on. I hope to read writings from you worth reading in the future.
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Daokao | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful... i love this it's so devious and yet suttle idk why but this is one of the best poems i 've read bout suicide, it just drew me in right when i read the tittle i was hoping for this to be great and i got more than i wished. i love how you go into such detail bout the blade and the feel; touch of death. i've always been drawn to suicide poems and this one was great. thx for the outstanding read.

    brandon
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm, an almost satanic feel about this one.

    Exploring different methods of suicide, makes me wonder how many you have tried. Quite unsettling in a way. Pulled together by the notion of a king... again adding to the satanic rhythm, but giving it a little more life (for want of a better phrase).
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Dave S Skinner | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93831

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry