This is my final apology.
After today, I swear
For every day your slated life continues
I will be to you as perfect and good-hearted
As you have treated me for sixteen years--
With just my hands and voice and paper and pen
Let me repay you the countless bills
You tossed unhesitantly over the counter
For the trumpet I lost
And the Easy Bake Over that sat on my bookshelf
For months before I used it,
And the sullen looks of untold anguish
Bleeding out of me, and for not believe
You would understand
Me, this girl who drew on your papers
And sat on your couch
And ate your food
For almost sixteen years.
This is my apology that I hope
Will set me free from guilt, and you
From uncertainty--I know how much you love me,
But today I want you to see.
Mom,
I'd give it up for you. I'd slap my best friend in the face
If you wanted me to, just because I now
That she can never be up to par
I'd trade hers for yours any day
(Besides, she's crazy anyway).
I just want you to know that
I'd burn my pens and papers
If the ashes could grant you
A longer life to live.
I'd line up my little "boyfriends"
One by one before you
And hand you a gavel
And let you pick
Which one to sentence first
(Wouldn't that be fun?
A mother-daughter adventure!)
I'd clean the whole damn house--
And Grandma's, and Gina's,
And every office in the OCC
If absolute meticulousness
Was mandatory for you to be happy.
Mom, please understand,
I've been so wrong
And time is running out for me to say
I'd hang myself,
I'd gallop on an ass through the winter snow
In a shirt labeling me "mama's girl,"
I'd open up my chest and hand you my heart,
I'd BEND OVER BACKWARDS
Forever, and ever,
Like Atlas and his globe I'd maintain my "n"
(N for
Nosy Neighbor Next door
Knocking
Wanting me at one in the morn
And you won't let him in)
I'd maintain my "n"
Until every nerve in your body
Restored,
Then I can smile again,
And go back to being Munchkin or Doodle,
Coming in from the block
To help you BBQ those good-good ballparks.
This is my final apology.
Sixteen years, every second full of your love
For me...
I'm sorry, for putting
"my whole life"
Ahead of Mom and Me. |
Submission Name: My Apology
