"Do you know a Max MacBeth?" The first and the worst words spoken from the authorities mouth.
"Yes, he's my grandpa" the response seemed to take forever to say. Even after the idea of what was to come never came to mind. Sure, I knew something was wrong, but what was the question?
Next thing I know I'm sitting on the couch, watching tv. No matter what I do, the nagging feeling eating at my stomach just wouldn't go away. I couldn't stop the things going through my mind, what happened, what's going to happen? The only thing to do would be to call my mom. I know it sounds like a pretty pointless thing to do, but at that point in time, it was the only idea I could think of.
"Where's Doug, did he come home?" was one of the few things my mom said that stuck. The only possible awnser I could say was "no."I could feel the worriness within her tone, the last time she had that tone my brother was in trouble, big trouble.
"Tell me when he gets home, call me on my cell" was the last thing she said.
"Knock, knock" what could it be now, haven't they said enough, haven't they left me with enough to wonder.
"It's you dad" what a relief, someone to talk to, take away the silence. Wait if he's here something must be wrong. Him being here means all that I'm afraid of happening, has or will.
"You sure your brothers not here, he's not sleeping?" his melodramatic tone was slightly soothing to my aching head.
"I checked, but I could have been mistaken" I replied. I hoped that the feelings I was trying to hide, didn't show. Even if They did show through, my dad didn't say anything. Once again I sat on the couch, Cheri in the truck, and my dad checked for my brother. As it turns out my brother was sleeping in his bedroom. Soon after my mother arrived home, and I was sent outside with Cheri, while my parents talked inside with the authorities.
Outside was filled with a hidden, uncomfortable silence, the conversation Cheri and I were having was weak and random. The whole time I was shaking whether it was form the cold or the thoughts in my head, I'm not sure. Shortly after my dad called me into the house. Walking into the house, I knew my fear was about to be true. The authorities were already outside in thier car when I came in. The look on my mother's face was enough to break my heart, shatter it into a million pieces and scatter it through out the world. Looking at my father, the same melodramatic tone seemed to run through his face. I wanted to run away, not hear what they had to say, but instead I sat on the couch beside my mother.
"Grandpa's gone" Even as she said the words, I felt myself being pulled and twisted in many diffrent directions. Should I cry even though I promised him I wouldn't, should I run as fast as I can forget all this and pretend he's still alive, or should I sit here and comfort my mother. Just looking at her was hard, seeing the anquish and quilt. I had to stay, I can't run from this and leave my mother to her own devices. In that moment I felt so much like a mother, and I had to comfort, and help the child and my mother. Through all of this tears must have been trying to escape, though I felt numb, because of the next thing my mother said.
'It's ok to cry" hearing that made it soo much harder to hold them back, as they started to fall slowly I can barely remember saying "I can't, I can't."
"Why not" even that made it even harder to hold it all back, show a fault, a weakness.
"I promised" the tears were really flowing now. I couldn't stop them. Even the next words out of my mouth probably sounded like gibberish "him."
It seemed at that moment that my mother and I were not on opposite sides of the scale, but on the same side. United by our lost of someone so dear. Sitting there crying with my mother wrapped in her arms, I hoped she would never let go. I knew though it couldn't last, we had to let go. A minute or two passed before we let go, I wiped my eyes feeling foolish and childish crying in frount of my father. The next couple of minutes seemed blurred, my mother told my brother, did he cry, did he do anything I can't remember. I do remember Montana coming to the door.
"You ok?" While I was sitting there with her by Spiral's Park I felt so normal. Normal as I could be, we talked about deep issues, but stilll it was like a normal conversation about school and friends. Just feeling that way helped, though I never told her. Feeling that gave me the courage to go to school the next day.
"Yeah, I'm fine" for once that day I could easily awnser.
Later that night, everything came flooding back in the bucket. I tried so hard to ignore it and fall asleep, but I couldn't. I kept wishing for it all to have been a really bad dream, to feel the comfort within my mothers arms, or to feel normal sitting and talking with friends. As I came to the relization it was no use, everything I was feeling started to leak out, my mom was at the door.
"Can't sleep?" was all she had to say. She came and curled up with me in my bed, and we cried ourselves to sleep. I will never forget that safe feeling again, as safe as it is with my mother and my equal.