A Place Out There -------------------------------------------
Spreading the mind into
the complexities of human suffering
through the vast nothingness
like microbes in the smallest existance
we fly
Searching eternally for the truth
but knowing not where
or how
to find this thing
so abstract
The longing invokes such intesity
it feeds the mind
and binds the soul
trapping it with knowledge
and yet its only the beginning
without and end
The feeling of rightousness
of an undying love
is so close now
and yet it's always moving
as we chase it
like incubi chasing
a maiden
for this beauty
is a virgin
flowing with the melodic wind
or dancing on a solar flare
i hope we can find
this is rather good.
you used a good variety of vocabulary but i just felt that,
on a topic like this, you could have elaborated so much more.
you could say so much, and it was pretty limited.
but i really like the picture it created in my head of this universe.
I hope to hear from you soon.
hey, that's pretty damn good. like one long thought stringed out with images and feelings.
it makes me think of life and death and everything in between.
'The feeling of rightousness of an undying love is so close now and yet it's always moving as we chase it'
i like these lines. dont we always feel like the kind of love we see on tv and read in books are waiting for us around the corner? of course.. life is not a movie unfortunately.
i really like the ending: 'flowing with the melodic wind or dancing on a solar flare i hope we can find
a place out there'
wishing for a place.. or longing for a place or a thing that is beyond our bodies, beyond our comprehension even.. if we could even glimpse at such a thing, it would be beautiful
Beautiful, just when you think you've been impressed you are again blown away. This poem did move me. I thought of the universe and how big it is compared to us, the thought is overwhelming. The fact that you want me to mention the flaws in your work surprises me though. Nothing is perfect and thats part of the reason why everything is so complex. I find your poem beautiful, spelling errors and all. And yes, those errors make your poem original. This has been my favorite poem on any of these writing sites. Lovely poem, it really is wonderful. Yes those last comments weren't very original. But they're true. Wonderful job, i'll have to read your next poems. Chelsea
Submission Name: A Place Out There
