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    dots Submission Name: A Place Out Theredots

    Author: Sun
    ASL Info:    18/m/tn
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 43/54/14
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 865


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Place Out Theredots

    Spreading the mind into
    the complexities of human suffering
    through the vast nothingness
    like microbes in the smallest existance
    we fly

    Searching eternally for the truth
    but knowing not where
    or how
    to find this thing
    so abstract

    The longing invokes such intesity
    it feeds the mind
    and binds the soul
    trapping it with knowledge
    and yet its only the beginning
    without and end

    The feeling of rightousness
    of an undying love
    is so close now
    and yet it's always moving
    as we chase it
    like incubi chasing
    a maiden
    for this beauty
    is a virgin
    flowing with the melodic wind
    or dancing on a solar flare
    i hope we can find

    a place out there.

    Submitted on 2006-03-05 20:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is rather good.
    you used a good variety of vocabulary but i just felt that,
    on a topic like this, you could have elaborated so much more.
    you could say so much, and it was pretty limited.
    but i really like the picture it created in my head of this universe.
    I hope to hear from you soon.


    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, that's pretty damn good. like one long thought stringed out with images and feelings.

    it makes me think of life and death and everything in between.

    'The feeling of rightousness
    of an undying love
    is so close now
    and yet it's always moving
    as we chase it'

    i like these lines. dont we always feel like the kind of love we see on tv and read in books are waiting for us around the corner? of course.. life is not a movie unfortunately.

    i really like the ending:
    'flowing with the melodic wind
    or dancing on a solar flare
    i hope we can find

    a place out there'

    wishing for a place.. or longing for a place or a thing that is beyond our bodies, beyond our comprehension even.. if we could even glimpse at such a thing, it would be beautiful

    nice job.

    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, just when you think you've been impressed you are again blown away. This poem did move me. I thought of the universe and how big it is compared to us, the thought is overwhelming. The fact that you want me to mention the flaws in your work surprises me though. Nothing is perfect and thats part of the reason why everything is so complex. I find your poem beautiful, spelling errors and all. And yes, those errors make your poem original.
    This has been my favorite poem on any of these writing sites. Lovely poem, it really is wonderful. Yes those last comments weren't very original. But they're true. Wonderful job, i'll have to read your next poems.
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by luckyms20 | [ Reply to This ]

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