Description: I don't think I like this much, but it's the only thing I've written recently.
Can't Take My Eyes Off You -------------------------------------------
I wandered into the same old room
Saw you standing in my path
I watched your face light up
Every time you chose to laugh.
I wandered over to the end of the line
Saw you doing what you do
I had to stop and watch you move
I just can't keep my eyes off you.
I wandered around, trying to forget
I tried to stay away
I'm just too weak, and I can't resist
The connection that yanks me each day.
I wandered outside to my car
I saw you going to yours
Furtively, I watched you walking
As I lurked behind my door.
I wandered to the corners of my mind
Trying to find something to do.
But instead I found you sitting there,
And I can't take my eyes off you.
This shows the power of lust -- or even love at first sight -- in a unique, yet cliché, way. There's someone in my life that makes me feel just like this, so I can definately relate. I don't think there's anything about this one that I'd change.
Thats so pretty I love it. I don't know why you dont. I was fascinated by how perfectly the lines fit together and rhymed. Everything about it is my idea of perfect. You described the feelings wonderfully. All I have for you is compliments. Very beautifully done
See, you say you don't like this one that much but I liked it. And as for the Cory thing you and him are just gonna have to make friends if you two are gonna both see me. But this friday I have to work at Bingo and then I'm free. I bet I could leave early and stay the night with you. Cory is having surgery...so you wanna go to bingo? or something...i dunno i figured we could work it out.
Well, I think this has real potential to be better. I think that you could of elaborated on why this person held your attention. Explain more of how you felt, and why you were so shy. Those things I feel are just details that is lacking from this, makes this one not as strong as it could be. Your was a little off, but that could be mended. Overall, I liked this alot. Great job.
i like this makes me feel wanted from jsut reading it...reminds me of how i met my current love...he couldn't take his eyes off me and vise versa...and ""POOF"" now and forever in love! lol i like the wording also jsut the write choice to get the right mood for the piece.