Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweetme16
    ASL Info:    21/f/who cares
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 108/252/162
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 743



    Description:
       i wrote this after seeing somone close to me go thorught this. SHe talked to me, and i wrote this after that


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    What you did for me
    I can now never thank for you for
    You never gave me the chance
    When I came back to say thank you to you
    I found out that you were gone
    It took me sometime to realize what gone there were talking about
    I canít believe that you didnít ask for help
    Why did you follow the advice that you have given to me
    How could you get yourself into so much trouble?
    And not ask for help
    You told me that admitting that you need someone is a sigh of strength not weakness
    Why did you think about that?
    I canít believe that Iíll never get to see you again
    Never see the way that you helped
    I canít believe it that you are really gone




    Submitted on 2006-03-06 10:59:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For this piece, I have noticed mainly typo errors.
    Such as 'did' that seem they should actually be "didn't":
    'Why did you follow '
    'Why did you think '

    And there is one mispelled word, probably escaped spellcheck if you use it for the fact it is actually a word:
    'realize what gone there were'
    I believe that there should be a they?

    I hope those help you a bit, not trying to sound like a jerk, just trying to help.
    Other than that, the message is conveyed nicely.
    It's refreshing to see a non-rhyming poem written this well.
    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Jodans | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93933

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    This written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry