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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweetme16
    ASL Info:    21/f/who cares
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 108/252/162
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 743



    Description:
       i wrote this after seeing somone close to me go thorught this. SHe talked to me, and i wrote this after that


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    What you did for me
    I can now never thank for you for
    You never gave me the chance
    When I came back to say thank you to you
    I found out that you were gone
    It took me sometime to realize what gone there were talking about
    I canít believe that you didnít ask for help
    Why did you follow the advice that you have given to me
    How could you get yourself into so much trouble?
    And not ask for help
    You told me that admitting that you need someone is a sigh of strength not weakness
    Why did you think about that?
    I canít believe that Iíll never get to see you again
    Never see the way that you helped
    I canít believe it that you are really gone




    Submitted on 2006-03-06 10:59:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For this piece, I have noticed mainly typo errors.
    Such as 'did' that seem they should actually be "didn't":
    'Why did you follow '
    'Why did you think '

    And there is one mispelled word, probably escaped spellcheck if you use it for the fact it is actually a word:
    'realize what gone there were'
    I believe that there should be a they?

    I hope those help you a bit, not trying to sound like a jerk, just trying to help.
    Other than that, the message is conveyed nicely.
    It's refreshing to see a non-rhyming poem written this well.
    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Jodans | [ Reply to This ]


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