Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clover chainsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       It's getting all pretty outside and i remember me and my sister use to play in clovers...I'm tiny because I am younger and she is the writer because she always has been...i think that this poem accurately represents our relationship and our bond and I think this poem is pretty...but hey give it a shot at commenting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClover chainsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    above her tiny hands she fell
    down and down into little patches of clovers
    hiding from the dogs that play
    and may mistake her for a small animal to eat

    she sang and skipped below the grass
    and wished that she were tall
    climed a chain that a fellow writer had made sitting underneath the sun
    and called to her

    hey there...she said
    it was only audible as a whisper
    is someone there? spoke the writer
    but she couldn't find the tiny girl

    and when the writer tied the clover chain
    on her neck
    the tiny girl
    hung from her necklace
    like a charm




    Submitted on 2006-03-06 11:10:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I still love this one, too.
    | Posted on 2017-07-15 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, how wonderful! This one kicks *ss, Jaz. I was reading that person's comment where they said "plus it made me picture a misheivous lil thing that needed constant care but didn't accept or know how badly she needed it" and I just thought how right they got that. That's exactly what you were like. I don't really know what to say about it, exceot it's wonderful. I love this line

    into little patches of clovers
    hiding from the dogs that play
    and may mistake her for a small animal to eat

    Cause I can see you running around doing that, even though you were a normal size. I also love the part about her hanging from the necklace. It's just great! Terrific job!
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      WoW! Very good! I imagined it right along as I read it. A very nice ending. I'm into poems that flow but this one does not need flow. Thanks for the nice read...

    Cheers!
    :))
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ravensworth | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very clever write
    I like the way this whole write came together with the last line
    I almost got the feeling of the story
    Jack in the beanstalk with this one
    I wonder how many tall people only wish they where shorter
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW not wow but wow lol i liked it very much!
    great job i luv the ending
    i love all kinds of poems but this one was all of the above great! adding u to my fav. 4 sure

    Much luv
    ~Jenn
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by James Wiffy | [ Reply to This ]
      no rhyme, no form, but really cute. the exageration of smallness is great, plus it made me picture a misheivous lil thing that needed constant care but didn't accept or know how badly she needed it. i hope the clover chain brings u lots of luck.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by strike three | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    93935

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Wavelength written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Bond written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Incubus written by monad
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Giving written by jjd
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry