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    dots Submission Name: Missingdots

    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1342
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 924

       I get these have you seen me flyers in my mail at least once a week and I thought I would write on piece on it from the parents feeling,it might need to be rewrote some,but I thought I'd see what all of youthought first

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    Pray kind stranger have you seen my child
    Who's been missing for quite a long while
    I've looked everywhere I thought my child might be
    Only to find silence in the evening breeze
    One moment my child was playing
    The next I was on my knees praying
    My home no longer hears laughter nor sunshine does it see
    It has become and empty place to me
    My life knows no happiness since my childs been gone
    For grief and misery greet me each dawn
    My heart feels no warmth only numbness and pain
    That never shall cease until once more my arms regain
    The child that I love with all my heart and soul
    Whom I seek everywhere I go
    So I've come to inquire of strangers in these streets
    Every night and day I ask everyone I meet
    Pray kind stranger have you seen my child
    Who's been missing a long long while

    Submitted on 2006-03-06 17:34:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very good piece you got here Linda. Very powerful. You made it seem so true and real.
    I really like that.

    Your flow, rhythm and rhyme were very good.
    Just one small issue Linda, there is a minor error in this, there is a line that has and in it when it should be an, other than that it was, again very good.

    Keep up the great work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]

    thats the only spelling error that i could find. otherwise good job! it was very powerful and strong and you did a great job of putting yourself into that mindset. i think that sometimes your rhymes are too obvious (like too perfect or too common) but thats something that changes as you write more and develop as a poet. overall, awesome!
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by secretsuperstar | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was absoulty touching and you did such an amazing job with the imagery and showing the pain and loose that the person is feeling.
    It truly has depth and meaning. I really do love it and you are very talanted. I can't wait to see what you write next^_^
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by lost.within.you | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a really powerful write and you painted a very easy to imagine picture of someone living life in such dismay over a child they no longer have. call me an oddball but this kind of made me think of a mother who aborted her child and then wonders if it was the right thing to do...in a sense. but anyway I loved it either way it was intended so thank you for sharing it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really don't think you need to change a thing about this poem because it tells the story perfectly. It is a sad story but one that is a growing proble in the world today.
    It is a story that opens old wounds for me but, I think you did a fine job writing it. The picture is painted and painted well so people can understand.
    Good job...
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful write. You really captured the dismay and pain these families feel when a child is missing. I too get those flyers and my heart sinks when I see how long a child has been gone sometimes. I think you did a great job on this. Very effective and the rhyme and flow were good. Good job!

    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really deep write
    I think you forgot a word in the line
    My life knows no happiness since my childs been
    I am going to tell you something that might sound wierd to you
    I also took this as a write from a mother who misses her child since he left her nest and never seems to keep in contact
    Either way this is a powerful write
    I liked this
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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