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Puncuation Mark


Author: Trifecta
ASL Info:    14.male.Somewhere
Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 32 /34 /28
Words: 254
Class/Type: Lyrics /Lostfriend
Total Views: 1129
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1799



Description:


Hmm... I like the chorus of this one a lot...


Puncuation Mark



Look into your soul
And tell me
Where's the good guy?
What happened to the one
Who understood?
Why did she go
And get replaced with
This druggie?
Where is she now?
And tell me
Are the answers still with her?
Where are they, if they aren't there?

Do you even know
Why all these
Eyes are watering?

It's because...
We've all witnessed the loss of a friend!
And they've been replaced by somebody braindead!
Where is my mastermind
When all my answers
Seem to be behind?

Look into my eyes
And tell me
What you did to her
Don't give me that lie
You're not the same
One who left here
Where is she now?
And tell me
Are all the answers still there?
Where are they
If they're not with you?
Please tell me, where could she be?

Do you even know
Why all these
Eyes are watering?

It's because...
We've all witnessed the loss of a friend!
And they've been replaced by somebody braindead!
Where is my mastermind
When all my answers
Seem to be behind?

My life should not be trusted with you!
You are a stranger and I refuse to believe
That you're who you're saying you are!
I refuse to believe the words you speak are true!

It's because...
We've all witnessed the loss of a friend!
And they've been replaced by somebody braindead!
Where is my mastermind
When all my answers
Seem to be behind?

No more of this!




Submitted on 2006-03-06 19:19:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  this is a really sad song i must say...lots of conflict and emotion within this piece. thats good.

here in these lines,

"We've all witnessed the loss of a friend!
And they've been replaced by somebody braindead"

who is they?? that just randomly showed up. are you talking about the people who've witnessed the loss of a friend? have they been replaced with someone brain dead. or are you talking about the "druggie" if thats who you are talking about i think it would be better to say she or you instead of they. because the word they does not pertain to one person. it pertains to many people. ...just a suggestion.

and also in the fourth stanza or verse or whatever you want to call it down the line,

"Don't me that lie"

that doesnt make sense. is there supposed to be a word after don't and before me? dont feed me that lie, dont tell me that lie? something like that? maybe you just accidently forget to type it out. i dont know.

just a few mistakes here and there but its nothing you cant fix. other than that it seems like there was definitely a lot of heart put into this. i liked it. good start!
| Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]


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