Description: This is even quite odd for me.....
Of course because I'm still here.
I had these words come come to me while on lunch today.......tell me...what does it make you think?
My time -------------------------------------------
Eyes closed, ready to die...
I'm alright, no need to cry.
Heaven's portal has let me pass;
Now watching over you is my forever task.
Live life with all your might;
Remember, you will always be in my sight.
For so few words, I think that it spoke volumes. I wish I knew who my guardian angel was. It's pieces like these that makes it so much easier to face when it's my time to go. I always fear that I'm going to miss something once my ticket is punched. Then I read something like this and realize that I will see everything. I like the tone of exceptance in this piece. It gives hope and helps to relieve the pain in the thought of passing. Very nice!
yes, I agree with Adam completely. It would've been a lot better if it was longer. It actually reminds me of some of my friends who've lost hope, and part of me back then..Almost as if to say, "My time has come, but everything will be ok. Don't worry about me, just remember that I'll be watching you from above" like an angel. I like it It is short, but I don't think 'sweet' would be the actual word. The piece expressed a lot in such little words, getting to the point (not directly) but quicker (I guess, you could say..) `ShilynJoy
Hmm... I think, that this would've been a lot better if it had been a little longer, because, it's a nice idea, and could probably be used farther than you used it. But, either way, what you do have is very nicely done. It's deep, really, everything about death and the after life, in my opinion, is deep. And, the thought of you comforting somebody else with your dying breaths, and then watching over them and protecting them (being their guardian angel, I guess you could say) and making sure nothing bad happens to them in their life, is also very deep, and, moving, if you will. Another thing that made me like this so much was your rhyming sense. The rhyming here seems natural, and doesn't disrupt the flow of the poem at all, which is great, because, a lot of rhyming I see seems like it's something forced into the writing just to make it seem more poetic or lyrical. That isn't the case here, which is always a plus.
Okay, so, my only major problem is, I feel the idea could've been used in a longer piece, but, besides that, it's very well done.
This is short but sweet - and acctually put me to tears! It portrays what most of us want the person whom we care about to be thinking when they pass- and to know they will always be looking over you - i am requesting permission from you to submit this to my school paper - Just comments me and give me the ok if not thats fine too - thanks
Although your poem is short I think that it is to the point. What more is there to say? Death has come and there is no more life. After death you have accepted the task of looking over those you have left behind but you have found peace so there is nothing more to bother you. Perhaps that is the reason for the length of the poem. There is no more because its all gone yet you are comfortable by that because since there is nothing more there are no barriers. I like the poem and I can't make any suggestions because this poem comes from your soul. It is a piece of your heart that screams that no matter when death comes it will be all right for you are ready. You have lived a good life and are ready to move on to whatever journey you are destined to take. A voyage awaits and you are ready for the challenge. Great read.
hmm...is this you wanting to die? or is it a situation where you have some kind of disease or cancer and you are going to die soon and you have come to accept that? the first thing i thought was that you were thinking of committing suicide...but maybe i'm wrong.
i like the message of this. like once you are gone you will always be watching over someone you care about...kind of like you will be their gaurdian angel. because you tell them not to worry and to basically live life to the fullest.
it was a cute, short little poem with a strong message. nice job..i liked it!
Heyo, I this started off alil' morbid, alittle Emily Dickinson "I heard a Fly buzz", and really developed quite well, especially considering the length. It seems like a gaurdian angel kind of poem. The flow worked well for most of the poem, all I have to suggest is on the line: Now watching over you is my forever task change my and forever so it reads Now watching over you is forever my task and the line: Remember, you will always be in my sight. to Remember, you'll always be in my sight.
Submission Name: My time
