Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    29/male/Bangalore
    Elite Ratio:    5.67 - 152/92/110
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       This my limitation in poetry is myself described as an island. I extremely tried to limit the words i.e i actually tried complete self expression in itself. hope everyone finds this interesting.comment as u like.
    dont give me grammars cause i type everything in ms word.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dark was it in the middle of the island,
    The island nowhere in life to exist.
    Waiting for hope was I and will forever,
    For the sun to rise to end my bliss.

    Bliss so dark to be darker than the night,
    Weep did I to laugh at myself in the island.
    Waiting for a dream to come true will I forever,
    For the night to fall to die in the sand.

    A dream to come true for a boat to save me,
    A dream will it be as the wind that exists.
    There in the island will I be till eternity,
    Wait will I till death for my life in mists.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 04:15:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I give it a seven out of ten!

    Bad comments:

    I don't really like the way you begin some of your lines, but I guess it is your style of writing. Since you don't want grammar, I won't babble on about all this. The rhymes do it for me, they seem too forced, especially, the last verse. Maybe you should eliminate them, but wait and see what others say.

    Good Comments:

    I have read many short stories about being trapped on a deserted island and am glad that some one took the task of writing a poem under the unexplored topic.
    This poem created an interesting picture in my mind, of a person standing solitare on a beautiful tropical island in the middle of the night under the stars which gleamed in the pitch darkness.
    I liked the way you took this topic and made it into such a unique and, in a way, fun poem.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Hope that this comment will help you greatly,

    *Abbas*
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94040

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Just Smile written by mdsouza
    King with a touch of Death written by Passionbyapathy
    Truth written by jackz
    Fighter written by juss_kriss
    Snow melt's shine on low cloud written by Daniel Barlow
    Cell Division written by insanegemini
    Demons written by BlazeFlamme
    Succession written by Passionbyapathy
    Fólkvangr written by emwren
    say love (and think of sanctum) written by Daniel Barlow
    Certain (Eyes) written by hyproglo
    Tried written by closetpoet
    Unicorn written by Indaleco
    The Nigerian Challenge written by kingsley
    Omnipresent Torment written by metallichick786
    A Song for Nigeria written by kingsley
    Society: written by MyPeriodical
    On disappearing... written by trinityfinger
    your feather is still falling written by emwren
    ©™ Disapear written by kyserin
    Cry for Help written by Crestfallenman
    Like A Ghost written by kase
    Orbiting an Idea written by Passionbyapathy
    Fearless written by Passionbyapathy
    The Nigeria within written by kingsley
    Nightmare Man written by blankscreen
    On This Day written by mdsouza
    Rainy Moods written by Passionbyapathy
    some fuss about life written by Daniel Barlow
    For Your Maria written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry