Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    31/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 153/95/115
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 1173
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       This my limitation in poetry is myself described as an island. I extremely tried to limit the words i.e i actually tried complete self expression in itself. hope everyone finds this interesting.comment as u like.
    dont give me grammars cause i type everything in ms word.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dark was it in the middle of the island,
    The island nowhere in life to exist.
    Waiting for hope was I and will forever,
    For the sun to rise to end my bliss.

    Bliss so dark to be darker than the night,
    Weep did I to laugh at myself in the island.
    Waiting for a dream to come true will I forever,
    For the night to fall to die in the sand.

    A dream to come true for a boat to save me,
    A dream will it be as the wind that exists.
    There in the island will I be till eternity,
    Wait will I till death for my life in mists.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 04:15:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I give it a seven out of ten!

    Bad comments:

    I don't really like the way you begin some of your lines, but I guess it is your style of writing. Since you don't want grammar, I won't babble on about all this. The rhymes do it for me, they seem too forced, especially, the last verse. Maybe you should eliminate them, but wait and see what others say.

    Good Comments:

    I have read many short stories about being trapped on a deserted island and am glad that some one took the task of writing a poem under the unexplored topic.
    This poem created an interesting picture in my mind, of a person standing solitare on a beautiful tropical island in the middle of the night under the stars which gleamed in the pitch darkness.
    I liked the way you took this topic and made it into such a unique and, in a way, fun poem.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Hope that this comment will help you greatly,

    *Abbas*
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94040

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This is hilarious written by Chelebel
    Swoon (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Crescent Moon written by annie0888
    I'm a Premadonna written by Chelebel
    Midwinter Madness written by Passionbyapathy
    Goodnight Prayer written by annie0888
    Artist written by lori_tab
    The Night Sky written by ForgottenGraves
    Waning Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unflappable Volcanic Waves of Unwitting Consciousn written by Ethan Brody
    Pumpkinhead Lullaby written by krs3332003
    Spectrum Of Reality written by Daniel Barlow
    No Goodbye written by jackz
    The Light in this Room written by lori_tab
    Harbinger written by expiring_touch
    After written by JanePlane
    Through & Through written by Chelebel
    My Face written by my shadow
    Coexists written by Soulraven
    Musings of love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Distant written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pinecone (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Carolina Blue written by Chelebel
    7 Autumn evening Haikus written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Desayuno Serenade written by krs3332003
    Scars You Beautiful written by Chelebel
    A Known Stranger written by Latin King
    If I Fail written by hybridsongwrite
    The Docile and the Damned written by Passionbyapathy
    ideas written by EshyFishy

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry