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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 1227
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       This my limitation in poetry is myself described as an island. I extremely tried to limit the words i.e i actually tried complete self expression in itself. hope everyone finds this interesting.comment as u like.
    dont give me grammars cause i type everything in ms word.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dark was it in the middle of the island,
    The island nowhere in life to exist.
    Waiting for hope was I and will forever,
    For the sun to rise to end my bliss.

    Bliss so dark to be darker than the night,
    Weep did I to laugh at myself in the island.
    Waiting for a dream to come true will I forever,
    For the night to fall to die in the sand.

    A dream to come true for a boat to save me,
    A dream will it be as the wind that exists.
    There in the island will I be till eternity,
    Wait will I till death for my life in mists.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 04:15:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I give it a seven out of ten!

    Bad comments:

    I don't really like the way you begin some of your lines, but I guess it is your style of writing. Since you don't want grammar, I won't babble on about all this. The rhymes do it for me, they seem too forced, especially, the last verse. Maybe you should eliminate them, but wait and see what others say.

    Good Comments:

    I have read many short stories about being trapped on a deserted island and am glad that some one took the task of writing a poem under the unexplored topic.
    This poem created an interesting picture in my mind, of a person standing solitare on a beautiful tropical island in the middle of the night under the stars which gleamed in the pitch darkness.
    I liked the way you took this topic and made it into such a unique and, in a way, fun poem.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Hope that this comment will help you greatly,

    *Abbas*
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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