Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    31/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 153/95/114
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 1056
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       This my limitation in poetry is myself described as an island. I extremely tried to limit the words i.e i actually tried complete self expression in itself. hope everyone finds this interesting.comment as u like.
    dont give me grammars cause i type everything in ms word.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dark was it in the middle of the island,
    The island nowhere in life to exist.
    Waiting for hope was I and will forever,
    For the sun to rise to end my bliss.

    Bliss so dark to be darker than the night,
    Weep did I to laugh at myself in the island.
    Waiting for a dream to come true will I forever,
    For the night to fall to die in the sand.

    A dream to come true for a boat to save me,
    A dream will it be as the wind that exists.
    There in the island will I be till eternity,
    Wait will I till death for my life in mists.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 04:15:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I give it a seven out of ten!

    Bad comments:

    I don't really like the way you begin some of your lines, but I guess it is your style of writing. Since you don't want grammar, I won't babble on about all this. The rhymes do it for me, they seem too forced, especially, the last verse. Maybe you should eliminate them, but wait and see what others say.

    Good Comments:

    I have read many short stories about being trapped on a deserted island and am glad that some one took the task of writing a poem under the unexplored topic.
    This poem created an interesting picture in my mind, of a person standing solitare on a beautiful tropical island in the middle of the night under the stars which gleamed in the pitch darkness.
    I liked the way you took this topic and made it into such a unique and, in a way, fun poem.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Hope that this comment will help you greatly,

    *Abbas*
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94040

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Narna
    A Sallow Sun Is Rising written by Wolfwatching
    You Seuss Me written by closetpoet
    Arya written by Chelebel
    Lens written by saartha
    Broken Turntable written by S.A.M.
    Vultures written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mornings written by Chelebel
    Cavern written by lori_tab
    Sanatarium - Metallica written by Debauchery
    The Molecule Poets written by ShadowParadox
    Achievements written by Chelebel
    Arya Thrice written by Chelebel
    Forgiveness written by Ramneet
    Astral Projection's Existential Hubris written by monad
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Minos and Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    u bahn written by expiring_touch
    Margins written by Daniel Barlow
    Before You Follow @m.urgatroyd written by BeforeYouFollow
    Thinking Position written by Chelebel
    Spill Away like Smoke written by Daniel Barlow
    Nostalgic Much written by Daniel Barlow
    Run Over written by Daniel Barlow
    Perception written by hyproglo
    Given Take written by closetpoet
    Collect $ Call 📞 written by Chelebel
    Background Music written by lori_tab
    Africa written by expiring_touch
    Losing1 written by geekyslacker

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry