Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Poetic Expressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1509
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 383



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoetic Expressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Feelings pour from the soul
    creating navy blue words
    that fall like heartbreak
    onto the page.

    Permanent ink marks its place
    in eternity, like a lover's emotion
    carved into the bark of a young tree.

    All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 10:51:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very short and sweet. Liked the style and the use of similies made this piece very familiar to myself and others I'm sure.

    The link between intrigue and mystery in the last stanza gives the piece a very strong ending and forces one to pause and visualise personal moments where you have been the writer or the reader in that situation.

    Like it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by Nick_23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Like the words "I love you"; casual to the unintended reader; precious to the writer and the intended!!

    You write with a skill which is near perfection!!
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the complete flow of this wonderfully written piece so easy to read and written with a deep passion in the words just love this one another to add to my favs.

    Wilma
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      It seemed somewhat blunt-- I can't put my finger on it. I think that it was the lack of metaphorical expression, but that would just ruin the moment of feeling, woulden't it? I understand how you just had to get it out-- the feeling would never be the same again. All the same, I could suggest that you use some imagery, some mood/aspect. You know, like a setting. "a writer in the moonlight/ the blue shy reflected in the tears of the ink/ or something along those lines. Otherwise, I sympathize completely. ;) I'll be back!

    ~Maeve
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this and I must say really agree with the last stanza Lorna.

    But I do believe they there are those under rare instances that are able to really connect and understand a write of others.

    But normally I don't think you will find many that will just be able to plainly get and understand what you have written unless it was in-your-face obvious.

    At any course I enjoyed this.
    Keep it up my friend
    and take care

    Later
    Jason




    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats awesome yo... fully messaged across my screen... I think I got what you wanted it to mean to the reader... It's like... somethings symbolize so much to some people and then again some people do not get the whole feel of what it symbolizes... that is true because they never knew the person who made the mark they never knew their true feelings and they never knew the reason behind the mark... It is like being put into something that it is out of your control and out of your knowledge... very deep in a few lines giving a feel of really being hooked on someone... man I have missed reading your poems

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      This really describes the expression of poetry well I think. The opening stanza was powerful. And though this is short, I think it pretty much says what you wanted to get across. Every part holds its own and I especially like the last.. where.." All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning." < so true.
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I wanted to say thankyou very much for your comment on my poem, I didn't think anyone would like it as much as people have so far, and I'm very glad they do. I was also glad to see that you seem quite popular on this site and well appreciated, because I've read a few of your poems and I can clearly see that you deserve every bit of it...I know that you probably don't need another comment that is just repeating what has already been posted, but I wanted to let you know how much I liked this write. Personally, I have troubles writing a poem of this structure (and meaning for that) so I especially love reading them as I find them to be quite inspirational. I really liked the last stanza

    " All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning."
    - and I know that it seems a pretty known stanza already, but lets face it, so many people can relate to this line. Not necissarily in just poetry either, as it's not always just the writing that goes misunderstood but the feel aswell. <Even people in general walk around feeling misunderstood, and even after speaking so loudly they may still feel unheard.> Anyway, I just wanted to thankyou by leaving atleast one comment. I have read your other poetry and still haven't been able to find something I didn't like, your stuff is flawless so far. I'm very glad to have had the chance to read them:)
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna,

    This was a very different write for you! I really enjoyed this one from you and it just proves that you are able to capure your audience no matter what the content of your pieces...

    I especially love the last stanze
    "All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning"

    I do believe that all poets at one pont in time have felt that their work is often read but never truely understood. It takes a true poet to not only connect with the reader but have the ability to really see the meaning and emotion behind other poetry... you are a good example of a true poet... you write incredible pieces yet you have the ability to see outside you world and truely learn and connect with other poets... beautiful

    Hugs,
    Ella
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      One line ...
    just did me in
    "that fall like heartbreak"
    oh, imz...you had me at hello...
    no seriously...if i had ever wished I had written anything...
    It would be that line...
    thanx so much for sharing...
    it fit perfectly in the poem...
    how I wish It were my initials carved on a tree for all to wonder at...but I gotta be such a damn hippy...i would have slapped my bf upside the head and broke up with him for hurting nature...lol
    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the thought in the last stanza here:

    All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning.


    Like the letters carved in the tree, the exact meaning of the poem is lost. Part of the writer's world fails to come through and the reader adds their own perspective and emotions.

    The ink is permanent, but the world moves on.

    Good job.



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Feelings that pour from the soul. My guess is it came from the heart. Also was very painfull for you as you continued to read away from the blotted page.
    Yes my heart has been stained before. It's like as you leave this door for the last time you seemingly slam your fingers. Something not soon forgot. While yet the pain is very real. Relatively speaking relationships tend to sink from time to time. As for me I am still waiting for calmer winds before heading out fishing. It's hard enough trying to find a keeper %(.


    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh no! I did not think it actually deleted, so I did not bother to post again, but I'll try to remember what I previously said. Ok:

    "Feelings pour from the soul
    creating navy blue words
    that fall like heartbreak
    onto the page."

    I like the word 'pour' for its imagery, but if you are suggesting a pen, its ink does not seem to pour like water onto a page. It seeps, leaks, releases. The word 'pour' makes me think of jugs and washing. The word 'soul' sounds melodramatic, especially in a love-related piece. If you could elaborate on the feelings by going into specific details about what kinds of feelings, it would provide a more vivid image because the term 'feelings' is very abstract. It could be interpreted as anything. Maybe nuances about little moments you experienced like insignificant toasting bread, washing hair, buttoning a shirt, I don't know. The word 'heartbreak' sounds unoriginal. Perhaps replace it with phrases that suggest heartbreak without ever mentioning the actual word itself? Why are the words navy blue? What is the significance of that detail? Maybe if the color was also parallel to heartbreak?

    "Permanent ink marks its place
    in eternity, like a lover's emotion
    carved into the bark of a young tree."

    I like the idea of permanence, but the word 'eternity' sounds cliché. What if you go into moments that show permanence instead of comparing into carving initials in the center of a heart on the bark of a tree? Maybe make a list of things that are permanent and then insert the best ones into this stanza? I see your meaning of permanence, but I just don't feel it.

    "All who pass by may read,
    yet never fully understand
    the depth or significance
    of its meaning."

    Here, you are showing that the marks on the page like the marks on a tree are significant to the two people involved, but not understood by those who pass by it. It would make a stronger ending if you showed the small moments that are significant to the two people so that in the end, when you finish the poem, the reader can relate to the two people instead of stand as an outsider. If the reader does not relate, he/she will pass by it like the tree and never fully understand the depth or significance of this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by pianomaps | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Lorna long time no comment, from me that is, lots to do.
    I seem to have a couple of messages on my user page from you with a '.' as the content, I got one from, Mike also. Forgive me if I'm being daft but does this mean something that I should be aware of?

    That aside, I enjoyed the simplicity of this, the fact that it was so easy to understand by the reader whilst conveying that poetry may never be truly appreciated other than by the author (was I thought, pretty clever)
    Simple vocabulary and the simple but warming comparison kept the reading nice and steady, and a well balanced hint of the melancholy throughout
    showed off your own ability of poetic expression.

    In conclusion, I quite liked it.

    Later
    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice piece of work. I've written poems like this on a few occasions. Of course you need to remember the reader might interpret something entirely different than what you meant - but then that's THEIR privelige.

    I might delete some unnecessary words ['the' in line 1, 'a' in line 6]. Other than that, good work!

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Feelings of love found, or love lost - transpire into the most vivid emptions immaginable. The power they generate are trul immense and can live forever in the mind, heart, and soul.

    You portrayed these sentiments perfectly Lorna. Your words, flow and theme, were perfect in every way.

    A beautiful write.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so true Lorna
    I really like the way you worded this
    You and I and a lot of other poets only write to let others know there is hope in Life
    I always enjoy reading your poems and this one is no exception
    You have such a rich mind and a beautiful talent of being able to express your words
    God Bless
    Ron

    And Please
    Keep in Touch
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      MMm...very dreamy Lorna...I can picture this, and i know where it's coming from for sure.

    Maybe this poem would benefit from some sort of picture, maybe a picture of a boy or a girl carving names into an old oak?

    Maybe if this poem has caused me to envision this then a picture isn't necessary after all.

    take care,

    Jay

    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Lorna,

    This was a very different write for you. A higher level of symbolism. As with many others, I thought the first two lines were so beautiful and evocative. The second two line were a bit of a problem for me. How does a heartbreak fall? Perhaps "falls like a breaking heart or drops etc.

    The rest of the poem was wonderful!
    " like a lover's emotion
    carved into the bark of a young tree." This and Navy blue were my favorite lines.

    No one can understand the love and heart break between lovers.

    Very creative and beautiful write!!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Lorna,
    This is a pretty poem.. sad but holds a lot of truth.
    Permanent ink marks its place
    in eternity, like a lover's emotion
    carved into the bark of a young tree
    This was my favorite part and I like the way you worded it.
    Now, did you finally get a day off? Last time I heard from you you were talk'n about being tired but had to go to work anyway.
    Anyway, enjoyed read'n your poem...
    Take care,
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did an great job in writing this. The flow was easy and match in each line and the creativity was very good. Kudos for the imagery. I think this made a lasting expression on me. With our pens and paper we create poems that have a effect on poeple and this is one...now you got me thinking of a poem along these lines...you are a muse woman! Great job Lorna.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I always appreciate your sentiments and your "Poetic Expressions" girl.

    That is why writing and expression through creativity is so beautiful and spiritual - sometimes we don't even understand "IT" but someone else does and that connection is true beauty.

    I really enjoyed this piece!
    love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Maggie is right. The flow is easy, and there is a bit of imagery here and there to tickle the mind. Still, it can bear a lot of improvement, mostly of the detail kind. I think L3 of S1 could be improved. Perhaps “fall from heart” or “tumble from heart’s fissure”, or something else that’s a bit more thought-provoking. Permanent ink marks “its” place? which “its”? The soul or the page? And frankly, “permanent ink” doesn’t work well. It fits with “page”, but not with “eternity”. It’s a fine thought, but its expression could use some tweaking. The “lover’s emotion carved...” is excellent. It makes one stop and think even as it conjures a strong image. Very well done, and it represents what needs to be attended to in the details of this poem’s first two stanzas. It’s obvious you have the talent to keep polishing this gem, to bring out the luster – your thought-feelings – more than you have.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Maggie is right. The flow is easy, and there is a bit of imagery here and there to tickle the mind. Still, it can bear a lot of improvement, mostly of the detail kind. I think L3 of S1 could be improved. Perhaps “fall from heart” or “tumble from heart’s fissure”, or something else that’s a bit more thought-provoking. Permanent ink marks “its” place? which “its”? The soul or the page? And frankly, “permanent ink” doesn’t work well. It fits with “page”, but not with “eternity”. It’s a fine thought, but its expression could use some tweaking. The “lover’s emotion carved...” is excellent. It makes one stop and think even as it conjures a strong image. Very well done, and it represents what needs to be attended to in the details of this poem’s first two stanzas. It’s obvious you have the talent to keep polishing this gem, to bring out the luster – your thought-feelings – more than you have.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Feelings pour from the soul
    creating navy blue words
    that fall like heartbreak
    onto the page.

    I read this several times. Each read took me a bit deeper. From blue to a deeper shade like navy.

    Nicely done!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      wz Charlie s

    d.p. CP November Echo Sierra Oscar TL: Med

    I am not allowed to give accolades to pieces so it must be encrypted, to be fair to the other side of this issue, I will also encrypt all other types of feelings. umm hail the new order?!

    the prominent feeling I get from the first two lines is Hestia- Hydrogen- Poseidon- marmoset- brick red- whale- Rick - baby blue, of course it is always nice to get that as a lasting feeling though these days without prompting it is hard to come by. the latter two lines have me feeling moccasin- cat- blue and yeah seems to be recurring theme to many feelings around here and inside of pieces. I think the first stanza reads plum –mayonnaise- violet- neon-carrot- Scandium- tea- Lora.

    the second stanza is Mickey- Matthew- Boron- Medusa- Radium- Sienna- hamburger-orange- Rick- sea urchin- Lewis- Radium, for me than the first. I Robert- Sulphur- turquoise- bologna this stanza’s Hercules- marmoset-Ajax- Navajo white- milk.

    the third takes purple- eggs- Robert- Sulphur – Venus- Radium- wolf- bologna- Matthew- Rick- Scandium- piranha- beans- Tellurium- teal- Navajo white. It makes you want to go back and review it again, sort of a wrap around type that gets you to carrot-Gary-beige- Diana- popcorn. anyhow those are my encrypted thoughts, it is a shame we have people who have to look at other comments and make jugments on what people like, we wouldn’t have this problem but people have to be so Pluto-Lewis- pepper- Aphrodite- Neon- Titanium- dolphin of others so we must hide this.

    Anyhow I think it is bread- dark sea green- Zeus- Berkelium- Radium, but I guess that isn’t good to say, only XXXXXXX- XXXXXX -XXX- XXXXXXXX that opportunity.


    ~mike

    any questions will be answered in an uncoded pm, mike
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this, it speak to me in the way that we express ourselves but may never be understood. I always strive to get my message across, but I will never stop if someone doesn't understand. It's not always meant for everyone to get the message unfortunately, but if the person if truly devoted they will let people see their work like it says in your poem. This poem is really inspried me to pick my pen back up and write again. Wonderful job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by beautifuldream | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94062

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry